A funny look came over her; she looked hurt. New feelings came over me, as I had never felt before. My mind ceased to function. She was so persistent that I finally let myself go. One thing led to the next, and we scanned the scale with her directing and myself doing the acting. I knew my inexperience showed, and I was quite embarrassed by it, but it didn't seem to bother her. She instructed me where I failed. We did things I didn't know about, and felt things that I had never felt before. Finally, as we lay together, my mind came back to me and I asked why she had done all this. Her answer was that she liked and wanted me to know more than she had when she was first married, because she didn't know how to behave as a sex partner, and she had guilt feelings about this. She identified herself with me at that age, and didn't want the same thing to happen to me. We had been friends for a long time, and she had been planning this. Looking back at this experience, I feel it was beneficial to me. I feel no remorse over this experience. I do have slight guilt feelings toward her husband.
Another common type of adolescent-adult sexual encounter involves
exhibitionism; that is, an adult exposing himself before an adolescent. Sexual
exhibitionists, as in the following cases, are commonly not sexually aggressive,
making no attempt to forcibly seduce the adolescent. Nevertheless, the experience is
apt to make a marked impression on the adolescent, particularly the one who has not
seen the nude body of adults of the opposite sex. In the vast majority of cases, the
exhibitionist is a male, and the adolescent is a female.
I was in ninth grade and had made a trip downtown in the large
city where we lived. At that time I was very dependent on others,
and thus had made arrangements to meet a good friend for the day.
I had arrived early and had waited patiently in one of the large
downtown department stores watching the crowds of people enter
and leave.
As people walked by I observed them; creating fantasies
about their lives, totally involving myself in their happenings. Then
as I followed a passerby into the store, I noticed a rather sloppily
dressed, elderly gentleman staring at me. He was dirty, unshaven,
the type my mother had warned me about. I remember that I was
apprehensive about his staring, and I looked away. But my
curiosity overtook me as I peered back at him. When I did, he
opened the front of his old coat, pointed to his genital area and
made a nod for me to approach him. I turned away, frightened, not
really understanding.
I moved farther out the door. But I couldn't
help wondering about the man, so I looked at him again and he
repeated his action. Completely shook, I left the entrance, sat down
and tried to comprehend. Though this is not a deep, involved
experience, it did leave an impression on me. At this time in my life
I was completely naive. It wasn't an extreme traumatic time for me,
but I led myself to believe it was. For my personal "satisfaction," I
enlarged the incident so that I could reward myself with a bit of
"sensual activity," that I could be sexually desired. It was a naive
desire and curiosity about sex, which led me to a fantasy
concerning the situation.
During these years (junior high), I had two experiences where a
man has displayed himself to me, masturbating. I knew very little
about a man's sex organs and what happened during stimulation.
Therefore, masturbation was quite horrifying and sickening to me.
One day in the fall of my freshman year, when I was fourteen years
old, I was walking home from uptown with two of my girlfriends.
We noticed a man walking toward us about half a block away.
When he was about five or ten feet in front of us I looked at him and
noticed that he had his pants unzipped and unsnapped but not
pulled down, just sort of hanging on his hips. He had his right hand
on his penis and was swinging it around and grinning. He said,
"Hey girlies, do you want one of these?" His penis looked like it was
ten inches long. It just hung there; it wasn't erect. I can still see it
vividly. The three of us ran as fast as we could to my house and got
in and shut the front door. We sat in our kitchen and talked about
it. We knew we should have told my Mom because we had always
been told that if anyone tries to molest you, you should call the
police. Well, I just couldn't tell her. I would have been too embarrassed
to say anything.