Empirical studies show that young people in the United States enjoy dating. In the Wolford study (1948, p. 303) nearly three fifths of the students rated their dates as "enjoyable," and nearly a fifth "satisfactory"; only a few considered them "boring." The first two cases deal with reactions to random or casual dating. The remainder of the cases deal with going steady, except for one case dealing with reactions to non-dating, which is a serious problem for the person who wants to date and for some reason is not able to.
As I look back over my high school years, I am happy that I casually
dated many instead of steadily dating only a few. I personally
would discourage going steady because I believe high school
students need more experience in dating youth of their own age.
The one thing that bothers me is the routine of parking after every
date. There must be better ways to spend free time. One way to
spend time is to entertain at home. I never did this. I never had a
party in my home or had a girl there. Instead my car was my home.
I always went out to park to have privacy. These parking sessions
were not entirely for sexual purposes, but we often talked a lot. To
give an example of how extreme this parking became, I once parked
for seven hours.
Too late, in some ways, I have realized that there would have been
nothing wrong with dating one boy for a period of time.
Unknowingly, I passed by many valuable experiences. Perhaps the
greatest of my losses was not to become acquainted with more than
the superficial qualities of my date. At the time I believed I knew
each fellow and why he ticked, but now I do not feel that way. I was
too overly concerned with how I was going to end the relationship.
True, high school years should be fun years, but they should also be
a time of interrelating, of finding out what other people are like
under the surface. I had the opportunity, but I lacked the key to
meeting someone half way in a serious discussion.
I also had the
misconception that one should not allow himself to become
emotionally involved in a relationship until he is searching for a
mate. It appears to me now that it is more healthy to let one's
feelings go-to admit having crushes, for that is a natural thing.
For some reason adults tend to criticize a teenager who one month
says he is in love with one person, and the next month a different
one... I needed to know that there was nothing unnatural or
detrimental in dating one boy for a while, but no one could help me.
Those who begin to date early also begin to go steady early, which can indicate a
progression in possessiveness or a progression in intimacy, or both. The following
cases deal with positive reactions to having gone steady in adolescence. A later section
deals with negative reactions.
Any success I had in my studies in high school would have to be
attributed to her. If it hadn't been for her, I would have just goofed
my way through, like all of my friends. She always kept me on my
toes with our keen competition and study sessions.
This brought me a great deal of security. This going steady
relationship assured me of a date nearly every weekend, and most
certainly for all the big events of the school year. This was a great
relief for me because it had never been easy for me to attract the
dates I wanted; now I was always assured of desirable company.
Not only was my interaction with him most pleasant, but he also
led me to more intimate acquaintances with his friends.