The early beginning of boy-girl relationships and the postponement of marriage
until in the late teens or twenties contribute to the emergence of informal relationships
that provide an outlet for the sex interests of youth. The date and the relationship are
special patterns within adolescent culture-vital and significant patterns.
The term
dating is from an earlier period in youth culture; the term relationship connotes
something even more informal, "a process in which two people (usually a boy and a girl)
jointly participate in fulfilling one another's desires.
This usually entails sexual
activities and other modes of communication that suit the personalities and
circumstances of the two partners (telephoning, doing homework together, attending
parties together, traveling together)" (Sorensen, 1973, p. 113).
The terms "relationship"
and "dating" are essentially treated as synonyms throughout our discussion of
adolescent intimate encounters. We also use them together, as in "dating relationship."
Especially in middle-class families, parents teach their children-particularly
their boys-that success is important and can only be gained through education and a
good position.
If dating should lead to early marriage and a child, manipulation of the
environment would be manifestly restricted. The boy may be virtually forced to quit
school and go to work to support his dependents. Aim inhibition is thus considered to
be a vital prerequisite for the success-oriented boy.
The boy learns to value the dating
encounter in which his desire for intimacy and sex can be met without involving a
serious, long-range commitment. The desire to avoid commitment is not exclusively
that of the boy. Many girls now feel the same way about serious commitments and
about early marriage (Sorensen, 1973).
A common age for beginning paired dating is fourteen for girls and fourteen or
fifteen for boys (Douvan and Adelson, 1966; Lowrie, 1951; Wolford, 1948; Bardis, 1960;
Sorensen, 1973). Adolescent boys usually date girls their own age or a year or two
younger. Only a few date older girls.
Because of this pattern, very few high school boys
are dating other than high school girls, while many and sometimes the majority of high
school girls, especially juniors and seniors, are dating out-of-school boys.
A dating relationship can involve being together on a weekly, twice-weekly, or
daily basis.
Going steady in our high school meant that you were with your
steady four or five nights out of the week, usually at the girl's house.
Young teenagers' relationship problems are often of a social rather than a sexual
nature. Of ninth and tenth grade boys, for instance, Remmers (1957, p. 66-67) found
that a quarter hadn't learned how to keep girls interested in them.
Forty-one percent
didn't have a girlfriend, 48 percent reported that they seldom had dates, 34 percent
were bashful about asking girls for dates, and 26 percent didn't know how to ask for a
date.
What to do on a date baffled fully 20 percent, and nearly as many asked, "What
are good manners on a date?" Girls had such dating problems as these: 39 percent
were unhappy because they seldom had dates, and 30 percent didn't have a boyfriend,
"I'm not popular with boys," complained 23 percent, and 33% didn't know how to keep
boys interested in them. At the other end of the scale, 36 percent asked, "How can I
refuse a date politely?" Many adolescents feel that they are "not ready" for an intimate
relationship with someone of the other sex (Sorensen, 1973, p. 39).