First dating relationships are memorable experiences, and they reflect the great importance of dating in youth culture. My first date was with a rather loud, pudgy boy in the group. His parents took us to a carnival at a town about twenty miles away. As I remember, his father was rather loud and pudgy too, and he kept telling the boy he should hold my hand. So, he and I sat in the back seat of the car and held hands.
His parents dropped us off at the
carnival and picked us up when it was over. I felt very grown up.
We were both pretty self-conscious, and neither of us knew what to
say next. This relationship was a crush in the true sense of the
word. He didn't ask me for another three or four months, but I hung
on his every action, and just a smile or a 'hi' was enough to keep me
in seventh heaven. This continued for about a year... and I think I
only had three dates with him.
Having a relationship with someone of the opposite sex has such awesome
prestige that it is not easy to be honest about one's motives.
I never really dared admit to myself until a year's time had passed
that even with all the statements I had made about liking him (my
first date), that I was more thrilled over the fact that I was actually
going on dates, especially since he was an upper classman. I can
even remember forcing myself to have a good time with him so as to
'impress' the kids, when really I would have liked to be with my
classmates-I just wasn't ready to settle down to one fellow right
away.
Date Traits
What characteristics should a person have in order to be regarded as desirable to
the opposite sex? Any of the traits highly regarded in the youth culture will do, especially
for first dates. Having one's parents like one's potential date can be an added bonus.
I wanted someone who was well-liked by everyone. This boy was
superlative. He was considerate; he treated me with the greatest of
respect. More than that, my parents adored him.
Our goals were completely different, but at the time, this was
unimportant to me. What was important was what he was now. He
was on the varsity basketball team.
Non-Daters
There is tremendous variation in the dating experiences of students. In a
statistical sense, the non-dating high school student is atypical (Cameron and Kenkel,
1960). Yet Wolford found that as many as a quarter of the students may not date
(Wolford, 1948, p. 17), and nearly a quarter (22 percent) of all adolescents have had no
sexual contact; that is, necking or petting experience (Sorensen, 1973, p. 149).
Wolford found that the educational background of the parents and the occupation of the
fathers indicated that more of the non-daters were from homes of lower socioeconomic
level than were the dating group. Some non-dating is voluntary; some is not.
I heard my dad once say 'I know you need to go out, but why so
soon?'; consequently I never did.
I did not date in high school, and so I compensated for my marked
lack of attraction to the opposite sex by all sorts of altruistic and
highly idealistic activities.