I always feared that the world of imagination and the "real world" would prove to be completely incompatible, would simply never connect, so that I'd be doomed to a life of frustration. But this occasion seemed like a promise of something better, a fulfillment.
It was during this period (sophomore year in high school) that my
sexual drive seemed to be increasing. I was masturbating more and
more, and sometimes at the rate of two or three times a day. I
seemed to become frustrated because I was trying to be a nice guy
and respect my girlfriend, and on the other side of the coin I was
going out of my mind with sex drive.
My friends were telling me of
their conquests, and here I had not even done any serious petting
with my girl. My ego started to suffer, and in a drive to "keep up
with the Joneses," I was determined to try and have sexual
relations with my girl. I had mixed emotions. The urge for
intercourse and heavy petting was high in my mind, but my respect
for the girl seemed to control my passions.
It was not until my sophomore year in high school that I felt my
yearnings towards a girl. She was very pretty, extremely shapely,
and most important, very easy to communicate with in the school
halls. Without really knowing why, I became obsessed with jealousy
when I saw her talking or even mingling with my male friends.
Adolescent Reaction to Adolescent Subculture-Female
Youth culture is something new, strange and often very intense for adolescents. It
can also threaten the democratic idealism of adolescents, for youth culture is cliquish.
Girls frequently speak about the problems of the youth community.
There were many discussions in high school on how to rid a high
school of the problems of cliques. We would have all-school
meetings on this subject in classes and in organizations. It was
always decided that we should try to rid ourselves of the cliques
and try to become more unified. I now realize that the thought of
not having any cliques can never be solved.
We formed a very tight relationship. We were a bit too clannish. It
was not intentional, but circumstances made us that way. I am sure
that we did more in the way of high school activities than we had
to, and many times I felt that we were making enemies because of
it. No one ever made any point of this, and we continued to be
elected to class office, etc., but nevertheless, I felt something was
off-balance.