I am sorry I didn't meet more girls. I found a girl I hope to some day
make my wife, but I found her too soon.
I'm sorry for becoming involved with him as I did, for I know we
had more than a sexual relationship. Naturally, it was there, but
we did have more than that. I just hope that I will be able to
successfully discourage my children from going steady in high
school. That is the time when many girls, unaware of the facts of
life, get into trouble without knowing what they are doing.
The following case is that of a non-dater. Gossip, envy, and sublimation have been
referred to earlier, where non-daters were discussed.
My family moved to a large city when I was to begin the eighth
grade. This was a big step for me. I began to withdraw into a shell. I
knew no one and made no attempts to become acquainted with
them; the popular kids were all going to parties and having dates
for dances, and all this time I was becoming an extreme introvert.
Because of the lack of experience in dating in junior high, I lost one
of the important aspects of any human being, self-confidence.
Outcome of Adolescent Fondling and Caressing
Petting and kissing do not necessarily lead to less guilt feelings than coitus does,
in that those who engage in coitus are less likely to be persons who are violating their
own standards (Reiss, 1964, p. 138). Youth are concerned with the age-old question of
"how far to go" (Poffenberger, 1960). The following are cases relating to reactions to
and outcomes of dating intimacy short of coitus.
Our relationship lasted approximately six months (eighth grade),
and we broke up because she didn't like it when I tried to French
kiss her. I can still remember her saying, 'It's like spitting in each
other's mouth.'
We (ninth graders) spent hours arousing each other. I remember
being both excited and having a horrible feeling of guilt. Soon after
this, we pushed each other away, and I started crying.
Well I just decided to stick with athletics, and hang it up with her
(a sexually aggressive female). The feeling I had that night was a
rather new one. I was mildly disgusted with her, but yet as if I
could kick myself for blowing such an opportunity. I could kind of
feel myself being pulled under, from what, I wasn't absolutely sure.
I suppose the Missouri Synod still retained a hold on my ankle as I
unconsciously struggled to free myself. The Judaeo-Christian
instruction could not be easily kicked aside.
The fear of someone walking in our house always took away some of
the pleasure I might have received from the situation.
Looking back on our relationship, I realize that it was probably sex
that ruined it. We let it become the major factor, and love was not
even present. I wish I could somehow warn girls in high school to
refrain from similar activities, no matter how hard it may be at the
time-because nine times out of ten, you will later meet the boy you
are truly in love with, and you will feel deeply sorry for everything
you have done.
On New Year's Eve of my senior year in high school, I faced the
dilemma if we should have sexual intercourse or not. I refrained
only because I had decided in advance.
Finally she just told me off. One statement she made I will always
remember. She said, 'Do you go on dates to have fun, or just to
make out?' This made me do a lot of thinking. And it finally opened
up a new line of thinking for me. When I went out from then on, I
did not think principally of making out, but of having fun. From
then on, I enjoyed going out on dates much more than I had ever
had in the past. The making out was still there, but that was in
second place to fun.
He begged me to have intercourse with him, but I just couldn't. I
wasn't sure enough of him. I wish now that I had. I couldn't care
less now if I'm a virgin or not, if he was the cause of my not being
one.