I had been taught that a "nice" girl doesn't let a boy get

I had been taught that a "nice" girl doesn't let a boy get away with anything, and I lived it religiously. My mother especially had stressed the evils and pain of it. I knew nothing of the sex feelings of boys; I thought that all men used sex only for their own pleasure, but my boyfriend taught me that it was a way of communication between two people. Little by little I learned to accept my body and its sensations. I was informed that if I ever became pregnant outside of marriage, that I was "to be horse-whipped and should never attempt to return home again." The lectures on chastity and virginity depressed and frightened me beyond comparison.

I was constantly warned never to trust boys because they were interested in only one thing-sex. I can understand some basis for her warnings, but I feel that they hampered me more than they have aided me. I find it difficult to trust boys because in the back of my mind are my mother's warnings. I remember a warning Mother gave me once when I was dating this boy at age fourteen. He was also fourteen. I came in one evening after my first good night kiss, and excitedly told her what had happened. A few days later she took me aside and told me, 'he's probably getting old enough now to get serious about girls. When boys start getting turned on, you may notice some movement in their pants. Now if this happens, don't be frightened, just don't lead him on.' She said nothing further, and what she had said left me very confused. I didn't know whether to watch for a minuscule quiver or a major earthquake. Fortunately, I witnessed neither phenomenon until I was older and had learned enough physiology to understand it.

My mother was ironing and I was just sitting in the room-reading a magazine and talking to her. She started to explain menstruation to me-what it was, what to expect, what to do, etc.-and told me that I would be starting to menstruate soon. It was a very general and factual explanation-I really don't remember what was said exactly, but what stands out in my mind is my mother's appearance and attitude throughout the talk. She seemed very nervous and embarrassed-so distressed that I got the impression that the whole subject was something that just wasn't discussed. Consequently, whenever I had questions as I went through that inquisitive period-I never even considered bringing them to my mother. I wanted to avoid another such encounter.

Father-son

Sex was a ticklish subject to discuss with my father, and was avoided on the part of both of us except for telling each other the latest dirty joke that we had heard, and his few words of advice, "Keep your zipper up." When a daughter of a close friend of the family got pregnant and had to get married, the trouble and unhappiness in my girlfriend's and my relationship really began. My father asked me to quit seeing my girlfriend... I vividly remember one instance that illustrates the intensity of the unhappy situation caused by my father's disapproval of my girlfriend's and my relationship. One night I was dressing before going over to her house. My father said rather emphatically that I was not going to see her.

I finished dressing and started to the garage to get the car. My father shouted that I could not use the car. I calmly replied that I would walk. He came snapping back that the door would not be open if I went to her house. That shocked me! I glared at my father in hate, walked back down the hall to my room, and reached for my suitcase in the closet. My father, following right behind me, grabbed my shoulder as I reached for my suitcase. I exploded! I grabbed him, cocked my fist, and stopped as my mother was crying out at us!! I let go of him, shaking. My parents looked at me in disbelief and went into their bedroom, my mother crying. I went to bed and cried for the first time in years. I loved my girlfriend and I loved my parents. Which one should I please.

Father-son-really leveling!!

Father mentioned once that I should not get too serious about my high school girl because he dated mother through high school and college and if he had to do it all over again he would not be married to her now and wouldn't have the same job. What could be worse than to have feelings like that?