I remember (in tenth grade at Bible camp) the pastor telling the story of the blushing young bride, dressed in white, walking up the aisle. His voice became stirring when he said, "Maybe that girl should have been blushing if she has been in the arms of every Tom, Dick, and Harry, and did not deserve to wear the dress." He admonished us girls to deserve to wear that white dress, which signifies purity. Turning to the boys, who by this time were sitting there rather smugly, he said, "And you boys, be sure to deserve that girl dressed in white."
The church gives us rules for a "good life," but it appears to ignore
the desires and frustrations of teenagers. I have desires but have no
acceptable social outlet. As a teenager I want information, but I
also want an understanding of attitudes towards sex, values to
guide my actions by, and a good reason to remain a virgin-other
than "your body is a temple of God."
There was a division in my dating life between the church and
school. At the church we were still playing kid games. At school it
was expected of you to act more grown up than to be playing kid
games.
It isn't only the children of lay people in the church who complain; the children of
clergymen also complain of their sexual upbringing.
I came from a parsonage, but the john of a gas station was the place
I got clued in on what was going on, and by a younger girl than me,
at that.
One of the paramount personal questions is the influence of the
church upon my decisions as a maturing youth and as a steady
dating partner. Its behavior codes have been ground into me since
I was a little tot, but when I actually faced the problems in an
emotional state, it was easy to forget about the codes or to reason
that they just don't apply to our age, or they didn't understand
how we felt for each other. We did not see these codes as being
wrong or unreasonable for the general public; they just didn't
apply to us.
There was no possibility of my getting any counseling
service, because a minister's son simply doesn't admit to anyone
that he is breaking a commandment, especially the sixth. I think
my girlfriend and I are now beginning to realize that we are at
least not alone in the way our relationship grew, and that we
are not the worst sinners on earth. We have found a new ethic
that puts the individual above any code of ethics, and thus allows
for a certain leniency that the legalistic code we were taught does
not.
Youth receive religious influences other than through the organized education
and youth groups of their churches. The following two cases indicate the profound
effect of radio preaching and religious literature on impressionable teenagers.
I thought it was an unpardonable sin for someone to take a girl out
and partake in pre-marital sexual activities, whether petting or
intercourse. I probably received this idea from a religious radio
program I heard one night after school when I was in ninth or tenth
grade.
The speaker (a Baptist minister) said it was a sin to go out
and park with a girl, whether it was in her driveway or out in some
"lover's lane." After hearing this and remembering it through high
school, it became a very trying time for me when it came time to
take a date home. I would debate all the way to her house whether
or not I should kiss her good night. This would occur even after the
fifth and sixth date, when it was considered standard procedure to
"make out" with a girl before taking her in.