In my middle teens I acquired a small booklet on Christian dating published by an independent religious organization. It was overflowing with advice to the Christian youth, and I soaked it all in. It quoted Bible passages to substantiate all the advice given. It changed my whole outlook on dating and Christian conduct. It stated emphatically that dancing was a waste of time and sexually stimulating-I gave up dancing. Movies were lewd and provoked one toward crime-I gave up the movies, so as not to "cause my brother to stumble." It counseled the Christian youth to save their kisses for that special someone, and that was the one to whom one was engaged! Being a Christian, I did not want to get any girl aroused, so I fought this kissing business.
It was a difficult battle. I
went with a real nice girl, and I finally yielded to the temptation to
kiss her after three years. After I did begin, however, I probably
indulged in this pastime with more abandon than those who had
not any particular qualms about starting. This booklet greatly
increased my sex knowledge, or so I thought. To emphasize its
point, this extremely moralistic book exaggerated many parts in an
attempt to scare us away from admittedly dangerous consequences
of too lenient an attitude toward sexual behavior. Unfortunately
they presented the data without any sufficient rational backing-it
was simply there to believe! Those who read such material and
possess deep religious convictions are bound to be frustrated and
consequently not experience the rich, full life they might otherwise
enjoy during adolescence.
The majority of, but not all, adolescents view religious experiences related to sex
in such a negative way. The following cases reflect more positive reactions to the
church's efforts.
Never could I (a girl) muster up enough courage to ask my
girlfriend my big question-how was sexual intercourse actually
accomplished. I felt embarrassed because I knew her knowledge of
sex so far outweighed mine. She was Catholic and had been taught
sex in the classroom.
In my freshman high school religion class, I had a layman teacher
who made a statement that stuck with me. He said, "Sex is
something beautiful," and I have always remembered this and
thought of sex in this way. The teacher had a question box and he
would answer our questions for 15 or 20 minutes everyday. The
questions were often on masturbation because the boys were
thirteen or fourteen years old. They also asked such questions as,
"Is it a sin to look at dirty pictures?" The teacher answered with,
"Sex is something beautiful." Also in the class we read the Song of
Solomon and its erotic poetry. We also talked about Onan. They said
sexual intercourse is better than masturbation-at least you were
not throwing your seed on the ground and wasting it.
In counseling with boys, the priest sometimes used the word "fuck";
it is shock therapy. It hurt us to hear it coming from a priest. He
said to us, "Are you aware that you are brought into existence by
your father fucking your mother? Why use this word? You use it on
the streets and yet this is part of God's creation." Also during
counseling, he would tell us if we did need money for a house of
prostitution, to come to him but "don't destroy a girl's reputation."
The church felt that too many people were learning it on the streets
and they should do something. I was about thirteen. I knew
everything, anyway, although it was very informative because the
priest came straight out with the facts; it cleared up a lot of
mysteries.
I appreciated it because they made an offer to put the
right influence in me, but it didn't affect me that much.
During confirmation (fourteen-fifteen year olds) my minister called
a separate meeting for the boys and girls to discuss sex. I thought it
was all handled very well! First of all, we felt relatively at ease. The
lecture didn't consist of a warning but rather started with the
simple statement, "You have all experienced the sexual urge and
girls have similar feelings."