Young adolescents often become infatuated with someone of the opposite sex.
These crushes may involve someone who is an eligible date, or someone who is in
reality too old or too young or otherwise not available. A boy's attachment to very
young girls may reflect a feeling of personal inadequacy.
At about the age of sixteen, I developed a great deal of affection for
their (the neighbor's) pretty second-oldest daughter, who was eight
years old at the time. This fact caused me some anxiety and worry
about whether I had pedophilic tendencies. Up to the summer after
my freshman year at college we were very good friends...
Her family moved that summer, and although I still occasionally
thought about her, within a relatively short time, most of the
fondness I had for her had switched over to another very pretty girl
who lived down the block. She was twelve years old (I was
nineteen), and she was very mature for her age. I often created
romantic and sexual fantasies involving either of these two girls.
They were fantasies, though, as any physical contact I had with
either girl was minimal and harmless. Still, I believe the sexual
desires were present, if partly suppressed. Being quite shy at the
time, I found it difficult to start dating activity at that age.
I think that I had a subconscious need or desire to start activities with the
opposite sex at the level where I thought it should have begun, and
with someone who was at my own level of experience. Although I
never lost interest in girls of my own age, it was much easier to
make an impression with a younger girl. I felt more secure knowing
that she was not ahead of me in social development and experience.
I used a line of argument (I have never really decided whether it
was a rationalization or rational logic) to make me feel that my
responses to the girls were nothing worth worrying about. In
conclusion, I feel that the pedophilic tendencies were definitely
present, and that if I had not started dating a girl of my own age
and furthered significantly my social and sexual development, they
would have gotten stronger.
The "liking" relationship can begin early:
Through grade school and into junior high I had 'crushes' on older
boys; boys six and seven years older. It would actually hurt me to
see them with other girls. You don't have to be very old to be hurt.
I (fourteen year old) 'like' a certain boy and he, in turn, has told a
friend of mine that he 'likes' me. The same is true of all my friends.
Everyone had someone they are 'liking' at that time. Although no
dating is done, there is this interest.
Among those old enough to date, the word as to who 'likes' whom spreads and
assists in finding an eligible person for paired dating. Relatives as well as peers are
helpful in arranging first dates.
It was customary to drop a hint if you were interested in a certain
fellow. It would take only a short time for him to hear of this, and if
he was at all interested, you would soon hear about it. This would
be the start of a romance.
After a complete break-up, I was once again one of the girls and had
no date, but this did not last long when my brother spread the word
and one of the fellows in my class then asked me to go to the
movies.
The first date with a particular girl was arranged, believe it or not,
through her mother. The date itself was to a formal affair. We
attended the event and that was that. About three months
afterwards, my mother asked me if I had ever returned the date I
had accepted in December. I said no, I hadn't, but agreed it might
be a good idea.