Not many youth are unalterably committed to any one particular sexual code, as they learn when they become involved in intimate relations. Although the boy on a date, for instance, may guess at the girl's probable responses to a sexual approach on his part, if neither is intensely committed to a sex code while both are attentive to each other's feelings and actions, there is the possibility of a "double revelation" (Goode, 1960).
If neither is strongly committed to a particular sex code, their
subsequent decisions may become calculations of an essentially hedonistic sort,
whereby they seek their best advantage together, and ignore or evade considerations
of moral demands. Under such a situation, slight shifts in the balance of advantages
and disadvantages in the relationship lead to large shifts in behavior. If she is "more
in love" than he, for instance, she fools herself to be at a disadvantage, and so gives
more in the sexual encounters in the hope of holding him.
Peers may also goad a
teenager with uncertain moral commitments into behavior changes.
Very often a fellow is coached with such questions as, "How far does
she go?" or "Does she go down?" No matter how obscene these
questions may be, there is little or nothing that can be done about
it. If you take offense, you will soon find yourself the chief subject of
another shady tale.
However, lack of moral commitment on the part of adolescents is more apparent
than real, especially when it is the parent generation that is making the judgment.
Only slightly more than a third (36 percent) of adolescents agree that they share
common attitudes with their parents about sex (Sorensen, 1973, p. 67). Adolescents do
not see themselves as being either amoral or immoral. Rather, the overwhelming
majority of adolescents (86 percent) believe that they have values of their own, and
most (64 percent) believe that they have come to definite conclusions about what they
think is right and wrong for themselves, as far as sex is concerned (Sorensen, 1973, p. 88).
I gradually developed moral and religious sentiments against our
actions. I became tired of always having to worry about our
relationship being carried to extremes.
With the beginning of dating and with the awakening of affection for someone of
the opposite sex, the moral commitment of the adolescent is sorely tested. Since
parents are often secretive, reticent, or arbitrary when it comes to the subject of
intimacy, it is understandable that adolescents look elsewhere for standards.
They often turn to their peers, including their steadies, for guidance.
Throughout our relationship (high school sophomores going
steady), there was much arguing as to whether we were treating
each other properly. We found ourselves nude in each other's arms
on several occasions, though we never engaged in sexual
intercourse, never finding release sufficient to erase the building
desires we felt.