I discovered that one does not simply "go steady" in high school. You must be in love and admit it. Little did I realize what I was letting myself in for. The moment I said those three supposedly magic words, I regretted them because I knew I didn't really mean them as I thought they could be meant. I knew I couldn't really love him, because he was such a puppy.
Self-deception
I honestly believe now that I wanted to be in love with him so much
that I made myself believe that I was. We dated approximately six
months, with each date becoming more intimate. I still haven't
completely recovered from my experience with him.
Mutual self-deception
Night after night she and I would roll about the living room rug or
lie on the couch and engage in every sort of sex play imaginable,
and some that weren't even imaginable. Kissing (French and otherwise),
petting over the entire body, sexual intercourse, oral-genital
play, and mutual masturbation. Time after time in the darkness of
their living room we would pant in each other's ear, "I love you,"
when what we really meant was "I desire you."
One partner in love
I would say that she felt a bit more strongly for me than I for her,
and she was willing to engage in more intimate forms of petting
and necking, and was willing to allow me to have more freedom.
She was willing to do what I wanted, and was content to keep me
happy regardless of what I did for her.
In love
We were in love at the time, and I think few people can honestly say
this while they were in high school. I realized that this love was not
a mature and lasting love, but it was the ultimate of what we were
capable of feeling, and as far as we knew love then.
We continued to have sexual intercourse, after the first experience,
almost every time we went out, for we felt we were in love and it
didn't matter then; the only thing that mattered was us.
Consequences of lovemaking
On her part, it was only proper that we should find out as much as
possible about each other, being that we were in love. For a time I
shared her feelings, but the more we made love, the more I desired
her body over her companionship.