I have been eternally grateful for the way my mother handled sex.
She always answered my wildest questions with an unembarrassed
answer. I could reject most uninformed gutter education because I
already know the true answer. When I started to date, my mother
once again took an active part in telling me how boys act, their
desires, and their respect for a girl. She warned me not to let a boy
get too worked up, because it wasn't fair to him, and he would lose
his respect for me. It was at one of these sessions that she told me
about intercourse in clear, understandable language.
My mother is well aware of things that kids do today, and she lets
us know exactly where she stands on smoking, drinking, sex, etc.,
but does so in such a way that she does not put a taboo on them
thus making them more desirable.
Mother makes each one of us feel that she had a faith and
confidence in us so that we are free to make our own decisions. This
just naturally makes us realize we could risk losing her trust in us
by doing something we shouldn't. But if we should do something
wrong, we are usually the first to tell her. A quality that I greatly
admire in my mother is that she knows when to quit playing the
role of a friend. This has always been my own personal view, and I
know a number of kids would disagree with me about it. What I
want is for her to be a mother more than a friend or a good buddy.
Through my adolescent period, my mother was my greatest help.
She would suggest how I could change, have long discussions with
me about my problems, and tell me of her experiences in dating.
She was always on the look out for books on dating and etiquette.
After I had read a book, she would sit down and discuss it cover to
cover. Sometimes she did not understand my problems, but I
always listened because she had some good ideas. I owe much to my
mother for her patience and guidance through a very difficult part
of my life.
As I began dating, my mother told me that certain things are
expected of a girl. She said that every boy wouldn't be respectful,
even though at first glance he acts like he is. She would remind me
from time to time, "that if you act like a lady, boys will treat you like
a lady"; that is one piece of advice I will always remember and I
realize it is so true.
First, it was a good night kiss, and then a kiss now and then, now it
was "necking" and sometimes "petting." Mother had taken me aside
and told me the facts of life, so I was well aware of what could
happen.
Father-son
Although sex is not a major topic of discussion in my home, I did
gain knowledge of the human body, and my father and I discussed
sexual importance in the marriage and ideas about sex in general,
frequently. Therefore, from my family experiences I came to view
sexual desires and activities in a healthy attitude. I came to accept
my body and consequently my sexual drives as a natural and
wonderful phenomena. I was also taught in my environment to be
realistic and to see things for what they really are rather than how
they may appear to be. This, I think, is a major factor in my
acceptance of sexual activity as something that is an ever-present
fact rather than something that can be pushed into the background
until after marriage.
Dad did tell me "about the birds and the bees" one night, and
emphasized that sex is one of God's good gifts and that it wasn't to
be abused. As I went through high school, I thought about sex often
and joked about it, but I always felt that intercourse was one thing
which was too wonderful a thing to have indiscriminately, and that
I would wait until I was married.
I used to fight off masturbation and worry about its effects. Then
one day, dad set me straight on it. From that time on, it seemed like
a release, not an exodus. It is really surprising when I think of what
a few, though shaky, words can do when said with a spirit of
understanding.
The last (of several) serious sexual conversations I had with my dad
was on the occasion of a forced marriage of a mutual acquaintance.
Again, we considered the moral responsibility toward others in
sexual matters. This conversation ended with a slogan, which may
be considered crude by some, but was perfectly acceptable in the
father-son relationship I had with my dad. "A hard pecker has no
conscience."
I must say that my dad was very careful to give me all the information
that he could and then let me make up my own mind. Whenever
I had a question or a problem, I knew that I could always ask my
father. Just knowing that made my adolescent life much simpler.
Mother-son
Mother, knowing my interest in girls, sat down with me and told me
the role of the male and female in reproduction. I can still
remember how embarrassed I was, not daring to look at her during
her talk. She, at this time, also told me how to act, to treat girls,
and to get along with girls my own age.