There seemed to be a barrier between my folks and myself. My boyfriend's frankness about sex irritated me, because the subject had always been suppressed for me. I had felt that sex was something bad, so the transition to complete freedom in discussing it was quite traumatic for me.
Although I had begun the normal menstrual cycle in the seventh
grade, why I should have it or what it involved in its process was
never explained to me. As a matter of fact, I was given no sex
education whatsoever except for what I learned for myself from
various sources. As I look back upon it now, I am surprised that my
high school dating life was as unharmful as it was to me.
I believe not knowing much about sex and my inquisitive mind
were the reasons for dating as much as I did in school. I really
wanted to find out about sex, but I didn't know who to ask. Sex was
always a taboo subject in our house, and there were no educational
books on that subject left around the house for me to read. One
time I asked my father if I could have a pocketbook on the
magazine rack by the name The Facts of Love and Life.
I had two
reasons for asking for the book although I already had a copy of it
stashed away in my drawers for those private things. Nevertheless
I asked him. My two questions? Number one: I wanted to find out if
he approved of my reading such a book, and number two: I felt that
this would provide an opportunity for him to explain what this love
and life stuff was all about. Apparently, the opportunity wasn't
great enough, because he merely said that I couldn't have it, and
the subject was never again mentioned.
One of the most deflating questions asked me just a few years ago
by my parents was, "I suppose you know about sex by now?" I was
too embarrassed to say no.
I began dating when I was a freshman in high school at the age of
fourteen. I had no previous parental guidance and therefore was
not ready for dating, and had no idea of what to expect from dates. I
had heard about petting, necking, and sexual intercourse from
friends, but was very naive in knowing exactly what these
experiences involved or how to handle these situations in dating. I
knew very little about the nature of boys and what they expect on
dates. I believe my naivety had an important effect on my physical
involvement with the first boy I dated. I dated steadily, for I had to
learn from experience, and this often can be very painful.
Other parents give specific and precise instruction and, if it is accepted, it is
operative.
One night we were talking and he started kissing me, only this
time a little more vigorously than he had ever done before. I found
myself thinking to myself how wonderful it was to be there close to
him and hearing him saying that he loved me. This is the first time
I was able to realize how easy it would be for one thing to lead to
another and for a couple to have intercourse in the process. But
mother had told me it was the girls' place to break it up at this
point, and not to necessarily blame the fellow for getting carried
away. A boy is more easily aroused because of his physical makeup.
I thought we had better be getting home.
Some "good" parents feel that they should not so much as show affection toward
each other in front of their children.