Parents to us were a great problem. We were continually comparing our parents' opinions about driving the family car, who put in the gas, the type of girls we should be going with, the amount of time we should put in on homework, time to be in at night and time we should spend at home with the family. We usually agreed that our parents lacked understanding of our problems and seemed to be narrow-minded.
These problems have been with us at least since early in the period of
urbanization and industrialization in the United States. Lynd and Lynd (1929 p. 522),
summarizing the sources of disagreement between boys and girls and their parents in
the 1920s, listed: use of automobile; choice of friends; number of times you go out on
school nights during the week; hours you get in at night; going to unchaperoned
parties; and (especially for boys) spending time on athletics, smoking, drinking, how
much he should work, and having a rifle; and (especially for girls) cigarettes, petting
parties, dancing, riding to other towns at night with dates. The list, with the addition
of the use of drugs, might well have been compiled in the 1970s!
Many young people react to their parents as symbols of the childhood they want
to leave behind. It may not be their parents that the young person dislikes at all, but
merely their own status as a child (Remmers, 1957; Sorensen, 1973). According to
Remmers (1957, p. 93), 79 percent of the nation's high school students complained
that parents usually or sometimes underestimated their children's true maturity.
Strict (and Unappreciated) Parental Discipline
The following cases deal with a strict parental discipline in the area of
heterosexual encounters. Adolescents (more often girls) often object to strict discipline
in this area. On the other hand, if it appears to the adolescent that the parent is too
lenient, they may also object, as in the last case cited.
My family could best be described as a close group. Not only have
they tried to choose my friends, they have also tried to limit most
social activities. In high school I was not allowed to go to any of the
places where other teenagers met and socialized. This included
attending games, after-game dances, and the community youth
center.
It was considered in very poor taste to be seen in large
mixed groups. My social life throughout high school was nil. This
was especially true with the opposite sex. My self-confidence had
been completely undermined at home. My mother thoroughly
convinced me that I was so unattractive, no boy would even want to
ask me out.