Boys, dating, and sex are major concerns of female subculture. Boys are discussed in terms of how they look, what they do, and how they relate to girls and to dating. We talked a lot about boys; especially the one we had our current crush on. We discussed how cute, nice, or fun he was. Being tall, masculine, a good dancer, athletic, and good looking were all desired characteristics in a boy. We would talk for hours and hours about the most trivial things; a glance, a smile, "he said," "and then I said-," "and then he said-." Boys' personalities were sometimes discussed in terms of how he was on a date or how he acted in class. Usually he was rated on how he treated his dates, where he took them, how he dressed, and if he was a 'make out.'
The major subject of our conversation was sex, and I owe this
probably to the fact that it was the topic we knew least about, and
because of this, it was the subject we were most curious about.
Some of the things discussed were different types of kisses, the
degrees of petting, methods of birth control, the 'safe days of the
month,' and other questions concerning the biology of sex. It was a
sort of 'pot luck' situation when sex was discussed. Each girl would
contribute what she knew, and everyone 'threw in their two bits.'
Whenever we learned anything new from an outside source, we
would get together and tell everyone about it.
Dating rules and regulations, and proper dating and sex behavior, are common
topics for discussion. Girls in the clique are apt to reach some consensus as to what is
acceptable behavior.
There was a group of us girls in high school who formed a club. We
set up a few rules for ourselves; namely, no petting, no parking, no
smoking or drinking, hickies, or going steady. Funny as it may
seem, we did uphold these rules, and the more we stuck to them,
the more dates we had. I do not know if it was because they liked
the idea of us not being owned by every other guy, or whether they
liked the idea of trying to see if we would break any of our rules.
If a girl did a lot of flirting, she was always talked about with a
great deal of disgust. Each one of us wished that we had had the
nerve to go talk to guys that freely, but since we didn't, we didn't
approve of anyone that could be friendly to the guys.
What the girls think the boys expect also enters into decisions about proper
behavior.
We agreed upon what seems to have become the accepted dating
behavior-primarily that of the good night kiss and later necking
which undoubtedly led to light petting and petting in some cases.
The girls were sure that's what the fellows wanted, and were
willing to go along with them a little because of the tremendous
impact the term 'popular' had on us.
Post mortems also add to the excitement of dating and help to clarify the issues.
Girls with similar dating experiences can be most helpful to each other in discussing
their experiences and what their attitudes and behavior should be.
After the event all were anxious to find out what the fellow had
been like, what the couple had talked about, and if he had made
any advances.
Generally speaking, girls were very slow to tell about any physical
involvement on dates. Once in a while, I talked my behavior over
with a couple of close friends, mainly to seek their advice, since any
little action left me feeling guilty.
When speaking with a girlfriend who also went steady, we often
discussed mutual problems concerning the fellows, such as what to
give them for Christmas, or how to react towards their jealousy.
The clique serves to console those who have been left out of the dating game and
to help plan strategy. Communicating with someone is vitally important to successful
adjustment to the dating life.
I had a problem! I couldn't communicate. That was the one thing
about me that would infuriate my date. It got so bad that we even
started saying, "What are you thinking?" whenever there was a
long lull in the conversation, and we could sense that something
wanted to be said. This became an outlet for me. In time I could
even speak without the helps.
The one I should have discussed this with (his serious intention
and my lack of serious intention) was the guy involved, but I just
could not bring myself to do that. Finally, one day I became so
frustrated that I just would not talk to him any longer.
Failure to have dates may bring insecurity and rejection by the peer group. A
further source of emotional complications arises from breaking of the dating
relationship. The flexibility of dating patterns helps to minimize complete
bereavement. The most serious emotional complication related to dating is the failure
to date at all.