My parents aren't very expressive or excitable people. They have little outward show of affection or emotion-especially my father. I think that this made it especially hard for me to think that sexual intercourse could be even tolerable. I can remember awakening in the night and hearing them in their bedroom having sexual intercourse. I was actually embarrassed and a little shocked as I was lying there in my room, just thinking about them having intercourse. I had never really thought of sexual intercourse as an act of love, because I had had little exposure to any adult show of affection. My mother and I have never talked about the beauty of sex and how wonderful it can be. I had to find out for myself that sexual experiences with the right persons can be some of the most fulfilling and treasured moments of a relationship.
Adolescents do not frequently report being aware of positive parental examples of
proper behavior towards the opposite sex, therefore the following case is somewhat
atypical, though the situation may not be uncommon. The boy in the following case
felt that his parents were wrong in their sex teaching but right in their behavior, and
it was their behavior that he appreciated. In other words, a reverse case of "practice
what we preach!"
Good parental examples, poor parental teaching
I never felt that their values had much if anything to do with our
behavior. In fact it is their love for each other that has been a basis
for forming my relationship. Throughout their married life, they
have been extremely close. Their great love for one another was
always apparent, and has made love and its expression very sacred
to me. I was never made to feel that the expression of love was wrong.
In the following cases there are two major categories.
First we deal with those cases
in which the adolescent receiving the sex education from his parents regards it as
inadequate or bad education. In the second set of cases we deal with sex education that
the young person felt was adequate and good sex education. I emphasize the fact that
it is in the eyes of the receiver of the education that these cases are evaluated as "good"
or "bad." Yet I think the adult reader as well as the sex educator will realize the wisdom
in their evaluations. In the "good" group are found so many cases wherein the parent
continued to "level" with the child as he reached different "teachable moments" in his
need for sex and family life education. This is not always the case; sometimes parents
are more reluctant to discuss sexual matters with their teenage offspring than they were
when their offspring were children. Shipman (1968) reports that 45 percent of college
females questioned estimated that their mothers answered their childhood inquiries on
sexual subjects casually and truthfully, while only 20 percent of them felt that similar
inquiries during puberty and adolescence were answered fully.
Males indicated a similar
drop in sex education with their fathers from 15 percent to 4 percent, and with their
mothers 21 percent to 10 percent. The following is a case in point.
The most serious failure of my parents was that they failed to
continue my sex education when it was needed most: preadoles
cence. They didn't explain to me the physiology of sex, nor did they
give me guidance with the emotions that accompany adolescence.
This failure to guide and instruct me during adolescent years led
me to other, not so wholesome, sources for the information I
desired. Also, as a result of this, I lost a great deal of ability and
desire to bring my problems to my parents.
Poor parental sex and family life education as viewed by the recipient is a common
occurrence.
Mother-daughter
My mother greatly dramatized the significance of my first period
by, after the initial explanations, announcing to me, "You are now a
woman!" and exiting to the sound of trumpets. I was at a loss as to
what to think. I had no idea that I was endowed with the facilities
to conceive successfully.