We started having sexual relations about nine months after we started dating. I remember feeling extremely guilty. We went to church every Sunday, and I felt repulsed with myself for living as if nothing happened. Going to church and gossiping about the "bad" girls was a giant farce. I remember being constantly depressed. My grades finally started slipping to Bs. Life was getting too hard to face. He solved the problem for me by leaving for the service. I am sorry now, and I guess I must be satisfied with the fact that I have learned to control my emotions now, and I certainly will be more careful not to let it happen again before marriage.
I spent agonizing nights wondering if I was pregnant. When I found
out that I wasn't, I returned his ring. When he called, I wouldn't
speak to him; in school, I ignored him.
It is a true pity that we had such a strong association when we
were so young. I am sure if we had been older, we would have
realized the extreme seriousness of the results of sexual
intercourse. To us, a pregnancy seemed so impossible.
We were both coming to be more mature, and we were thinking
about what our lives would be worth if we would have an unwanted
child. We talked this matter over, and decided we should quit
having sexual relations. It was very hard to quit, but we both knew
it had to come to an end. From that time on, we have come to show
our love by doing more for each other. We started giving rather than
taking to overcome the taboo relation that had come into our lives.
From then on, when we went out, we doubled with other couples.
We found that we were having just as much fun doing things
together as we had when we were having intercourse. We found
that this took the risk of ruining our lives away, and it also
strengthened our love for one another.
I knew that there was no turning back with him. But I also knew
that I could not go on like this. It reached its peak when I missed
my period. I know little about sex, but I did know it meant serious
trouble. My first thoughts were panicky and irrational. There in
nothing worse than to have to go through this traumatic experience
alone. I was fortunate to survive this traumatic experience. My
period came after much worry and prayer. I believe it is hypocritical
to say, but true that I was never so close to God in my whole life.
This was the beginning of the end. I had finally lost my respect for
this girl, for she had nothing more to offer me than petting in the
nude and sexual intercourse.
It was hard for me to break up with
her. I was afraid someone else would be getting what I had been
getting, and I couldn't see this. I finally forced myself and broke up
with her with the thought in the back of my head that I would
never start this with the next girl I went with, and never ever did
progress this far. It was amazing, but she said I would lose respect
for her and stop loving her if she let me do this. I told her I wouldn't
because I loved her and this was done in an act of love. I just hope
my foolish actions will not hurt her in anyway. I think I would
always blame myself if I was the one who started her on this track.
I also hope these actions never hurt me in anyway. This was
probably the worst mistake of my life, and I hope that I can get
away without paying for it.
Our breaking up was due to my belief in the double standard. It
was all right for me to do what I did, even I sometimes felt dirty
about it afterwards, but I had no respect for her whatsoever for
what she had done.
A few adolescent couples "progress" from having coitus to oral-genital relations.
This to me (a boy) brought on the peak of stimulation and
excitement probably because I knew that pregnancy was impossible
if both of us reached orgasm by oral-genital means. We used this
method regularly during the unsafe period, with full intercourse
plus oral-genital stimulation during the safe period for sex release.