When I was in junior high school, Playboy magazines were worth their weight in gold. My friends and I would read our "skin books" up in the woods. We'd get these books and magazines from the dump or from older guys. I can remember getting extremely turned on at the sight of nude women. I don't know if I ever had an orgasm because I didn't know what one was at that age. We used to leave the magazines up in our forts in the woods, but then they would get ruined when it rained. For this reason, I started taking the best pictures home and hiding them in my closet. When everyone was gone, I would take them out and look at them. A few times I masturbated while looking at them.
Until I was around the age of thirteen, I thought that sexual
intercourse was accomplished by rubbing the penis over the
woman's breast. I knew that a baby "came from somewhere down
there," but I thought that the man's sperm got into the woman
through her nipple and traveled down to her ovaries. My 'big
awakening' came (at the age of thirteen) when I found a sexual
manual of my mother's hidden in her drawer. My eyes couldn't go
fast enough to take in all the new things I was reading! Not only
did I learn that intercourse involved the penis and the vagina, but
I read, in great detail, the various positions of coitus.
I was obsessed with the book and all the things I was learning, and I
stole the book from the drawer every chance I could read it in
private. I became sexually stimulated every time I read the book,
but I had such guilt feelings because I had found sex pleasurable
that it took away half the fun. I was also so frightened that I would
be caught by my parents or my sisters that I could not sit down at
one time and read the whole book (that would have answered many
of my questions), but only opened to those parts that "turned me
on."
As I said, I was obsessed with my new knowledge, and became
sexually stimulated reading the book. However, when I finally
realized that coitus involved the penis and the vagina, rather than
the penis and the breast, I was repelled by the idea. I couldn't
believe that any woman would let a man touch that part of her
body. Furthermore, I was doubly upset thinking that my very own
parents had engaged in that kind of "pleasure." It was also at this
time that I first read about masturbation. I had never heard
anything among my friends about masturbation, and I had only
seen the word written a few places before. My mother's book that
I was reading had one short paragraph describing what
masturbation was, and I was again fascinated.
I wanted to feel myself in "that area" very bad and find out what I was equipped,
with but I could not bring myself about to do it. After several days
of trying to convince myself that it was "all right," I masturbated
and became very sexually aroused. I continued for a few days, but
my guilt overcame my pleasure and I quit. I knew that I was doing
something wrong, and that I better quit before I became a sex fiend.
I settled for rubbing my breasts. This continued for a few weeks
until the excitement went away and I was back to where I began,
but still having the desire to masturbate.
At the age of thirteen I met this boy at school. We enjoyed playing
together, so I went over to his house. This was when he showed me
a magazine he had taken from his father. It was just full of pictures
of nude women. Almost every page had a picture on it. This was
something I had never seen before, and I was quite astonished.
After I had found out that he had this book, we became good
friends. I would go over to his house almost every day after school. I
would play with him, but the main reason I went over to his house
was to see his book. Now that I had found my new interest, I
wanted to have a magazine of my own. This was my next mission.
Within most drug stores there is a magazine stand. And on these
stands they usually have some kind of nudey books. Well, this is
where I got my book. There was a store close to my house that I got
this from.