Yet thoughts of getting pregnant almost became a nightmare. All I
could think about was that one thing often leads to another. He
manipulated my hands and the next thing I knew I was grasping
and fondling his genitals, as he was mine.
I enjoyed it somewhat, yet felt embarrassed and cried from guilt afterward.
I never felt that sex was natural.
In later dates, the more I enjoyed petting, the
more I was guilty and cried. One night he ejaculated and I almost
had a nervous breakdown, we were too young to get married, yet I
was so afraid of possibly having intercourse, that I decided that we
shouldn't see each other for a while.
Since this experience in my junior year of high school was my first
parking experience, I was very nervous. We started kissing and we
both became excited. We began to hug and deeply kiss each other,
which led me to my first actual sexual contact. I unbuttoned the
blouse and felt her breasts.
I guess it was because this was my first
time, but her breasts seemed enormous. Well, as time went on, I
slipped my hand up her dress and she put her hand in my pants. By
this time I was really excited and was really breathing hard.
I finally got to her underwear and I found it all wet. As I touched her
wetness I had a strange thought, I had better not touch her there
because I can get syphilis. I guess with the way I was brought up,
this could be my only reaction.
I pulled my hand out and petted her
through the material of her dress. All of a sudden I could feel my
pulse and my penis start to throb. I had my first ejaculation. I guess
I had a few wet dreams before this time, but none that I
experienced while I was awake.
At the time though, it kind of felt
good, but it was very embarrassing. When it was all over, I kissed
her a few times, then I suggested I better take her home. We kissed
goodnight, and I went home to get out of my wet pants.
As I look
back several years on this first sexual experience, several things
stand out in my mind. First of all, the thought of syphilis really
seems dumb, but since my parents are sort of the Victorian type, I
guess I was taught to associate sex with disease. Secondly, she
seemed to have experienced sex before. She seemed to know how to
French kiss (she taught me), and how to make me feel good.
Thirdly, as I think about the experience, I could kick myself for
thinking what I did, and missing such a great girl.
In the following case, it is not the taboo on coitus but religious proscriptions
against dancing and movies that make petting a valued dating activity. Peer example
and acceptance of the youth culture standard of permissiveness-with-affection help to
make petting seem all right for the reluctant adolescent.
She, a beautiful, a deeply religious girl a little older than I, was the
first girl that I actually petted. Since she was forbidden to dance or
go to movies because of her strict religious beliefs, the activities
became quite limited. Therefore, we ended up parking a great deal.
He progressed to going under my clothes. I felt it was wrong, but I
loved him so much that I didn't want him to stop.