Coming home from play one day I (about nine years old) happened
upon my sister (about eight) in the basement of our home on the sofa, manipulating
herself through her clothes.
She showed
me how to add pressure to the sides of my labia
to gain a 'funny feeling.' At first I felt no
satisfaction in it, but after a month of practice
and experimenting, I obtained by first
orgasm.... I am very grateful to my sister for
introducing masturbation to me.
The content of one's fantasy while masturbating is in large part
dependent upon the nature of one's experience up until that time.
The
following cases illustrate this. In the first case to follow a boy
traces the development of his masturbatory fantasy from fantasy not in
volving girls through fantasy involving non-coital involvement with
girls, through coitus, fellatio, cunnilingus, and oral intercourse.
All
of this is interwoven with some torture fantasy-masochism, sadism-
which is not uncommon for the child who has had inaccurate knowledge or
limited experience on which to build positive masturbatory fantasy. The
second case (a girl) also shows progression in fantasy as well as some
fantasized sadism.
When I first started to masturbate I didn't have
much interest in girls. Therefore, my fantasies
during masturbation did not involve girls. Usually,
I tended to have masochistic fantasies.
I
would imagine that I was being tortured and
twist or stretch my penis, so there was a degree
of pain as well as pleasure.
Sometimes I would
also push things up my rectum, such as the end
of a toothbrush, that would also add to my "torture"
fantasy.
Possibly I felt that because I
should not be getting pleasure out of it. Therefore,
the only way I could justify it was to be
torturing myself.
As I got older, girls began to be a greater
and greater part of my fantasy. At first I would
just think of girls I liked at school and mas
turbate at the same time. I never really thought
of sexual intercourse with girls because I did
not understand exactly what interaction you
could have with girls. This was during the sev
enth and eighth grade period.
As I picked up information from peers and the
occasional "dirty" book, I began to imagine hav
ing sex play and intercourse with the girls in
my fantasies.
Quite often I would imagine a
"bondage" situation. The girl was often help
less and I would be forcing myself on her. Some
times I would imagine that I was the captive and
the girl or girls were taking advantage of me.
I
attribute this to my not knowing how to inter
act with girls or get their attention. So I felt
that only by forcing myself on them could I ever
have sex.
It was not until high school that I ever ran
across much pornography, either in the form of
pictures or books.
When I got a hold of these
they tended to be the things I masturbated over.
Often I imagined a girl I knew to be the person
in the picture or the story.
It was the book
that introduced me to such things as fellatio,
cunnilingus, and anal intercourse, as well as
other "unacceptable" forms of sex. Often I would
imagine these things were being performed during
masturbation.