Despite such apparent sexual precocity in children, little children (three to four) have some difficulty learning that there are genital differences between the sexes. They do not appear to form clear general concepts of genital differences until ages five to seven. Utilizing a sample of children who were largely from the lower socio-economic level and whose parents indicated that many of the children had not been told about basic anatomical differences, Conn (1940), and Conn and Kanner (1947), were able to elicit knowledge of genital differences from only fifty percent of children age four to six years, and from seventy-two percent of children age seven to eight. Among children of parents with more formal education, Butler (1952) found a similar degree of ignorance among children of four to five years of age.
Although fifteen of seventeen children had been informed by their parents
of anatomical differences, Butler was able to elicit awareness of
genital differences from but five of the fifteen children. Ketcher
(1955) found in a study of 266 three to nine year olds that children
most easily make sex differentiations based on the clothing worn by
each sex, followed by differentiation based on hair styles, and lastly
by observing differences in genitalia and breasts. Age seemed to be the
most important factor in ability to differentiate between the sexes,
with younger girls excelling younger boys in this regard. Children report
that before first witnessing they have taken for granted that the
genitals of all people are alike. The discovery of the differences can
be a disappointment as reported in the following two cases.
I was six. She was five. I knew what the geni
tals of males looked like, but what about
females? I was determined to find out. (They
disrobed while playing the roles of mommy and
daddy in a game of "house.")
I was shocked to see she didn't have any
thing between her legs, except what appeared to
be a fold of skin. I was disappointed. She then
asked, "What is that?" referring to my penis. I
became embarrassed and replied it was where I
"tinkled," and redressed.
A feeling of blighted hope came over me.
Failure of my expectations. I thought that I had
been swindled. There was not much to see, and
what there was was partially concealed. The game
ended shortly after this.
It was an undermining experience to see her genitals,
that is, what there was to see of them. I
had expected something much more interesting to
play with, for even though I knew she was built
differently I didn't know it would be that different.
The young child who has been told of what male and female attributes
are involved in producing a baby still remains perplexed as to
the manner in which the elements come together. (Conn, 1948). Even
children who have observed parental coitus do not find this sufficient
to create an articulated sexual image of the mother or father, whatever
else it might do. (Gagnon, 1965).
This is not because of indifference toward adults and their concerns.
Up to the age of two the infant seems unaware of his parents as
persons with interests and feelings of their own which are unrelated to
their love and care of him. He has an egocentric and exaggerated view
of his own importance. But this egocentricity changes and at about age
three he begins to realize that his parents are not only the providers
of his creature comforts but also have concerns, pleasures, and dreams
of their own. (Peller, 1965). The concerns of adults are close to the
child and meaningful to him in his own terms.
By age five children are easily aware of most of the non-coital
content of the marital relationship-cooking, cleaning house, caring
for children, going to work. They practice many of the marriage and
family roles through "playing house."
One of my (boy) closest friends was a young girl
named Jean. She was one year younger than I. We
often played together, frequently at "house." We
acted the roles of man and wife as we perceived
them from our parents. I was most often the
father, involved in a job at an office that kept
me away from my family. The wife cared for the
home. Occasionally, when other neighborhood
children joined us, an older boy would take the
role of the father, and I would then become a
son, playing the roles more familiar to me; the
loving son, the diffident, pouty child, and hellion.
It is safe to conclude that I experienced
an imaginary marriage in my early childhood. I
tried to play the various roles involved as
realistically as possible.
They also have a good idea of the field of eligibles from which
they will eventually select their mates-cross-sex peers of the same
generation but not of the same family. (Broderick, 1966). Broderick
found that the majority of five year olds he studied were already committed
to their own eventual marriages. This majority increases through
each age group throughout childhood.