Going steady can develop as early as the beginning of the preado lescent dating experience, at least it is "going steady" in the eyes of the participants. Symbols of the going-steady status (such as brace lets and rings) are offered and accepted even while the "steadies" are not in reality dating each other except in their own dream world! After I (a boy) had been to junior high for a few months I fell in with the going-steady pattern.... Before long she asked me to give her a ring or a bracelet of mine which she could wear....
After hearing "All the other girls are
wearing their boyfriend's rings" many times, I
bought a cheap dime-store ring which I gave her.
This going steady period lasted for about five
weeks. I never had a date with her or even phoned
her during this time. It seems it was all done
just to keep up with what other kids were doing.
I began going steady when I was twelve years old
and I thought a lot of the boy I was infatuated
with. I was sure I had found the secret to happiness
and that this was love.
My girl friends also had steady boy friends and we used to double
date.... Our dates were not really dates at all
but the time we spent together was fun. The boys
hardly ever picked us up at our homes. The girls
would regularly go to the show Friday nights and
Sundays. We would always sit in the same place and
the boys would always come and sit with us or
behind us. Then after the movie the boys would
walk us home.
Quite often we would all get
together downtown and then walk home together.
Hardly ever, in fact, never did we take the boys
into our homes to talk; we would always stand outside.
I do not believe that I ever kissed my boy
friend but we did hold hands in private.... I
believe that going steady made me feel important
and gave me some self-confidence.
Sexual-Erotic Encounters
The going steady relationships just described could be classified
as non-erotic encounters because of a lack of intimacy and physical
stimulation. But, on the other hand, many simple, naive and more or
less erotic experiences of childhood also carry over into preadoles
cence and are elaborated upon. Exposing oneself to a person of the op
posite sex is a case in point. The following cases under the heading,
"Exposure," are arranged according to the age of the persons involved.
Exposure is common in the younger years of preadolescence.
Exposure
Alice (third grade) often let me watch her urinate,
but I always refused to permit her to watch
me. I repeatedly told her that I was "different."
Later that year I became bolder. Alice and I ran
back into the woods and undressed in front of each
other. I suggested that we touch each other's genitals,
but Alice refused.
I remember looking at her genital area, and having
heard the conversation of older people, wondered what
it was all about. When we played with each other in
the nude my penis would become erect. I remember marvelling
at this. She would ask what it was for and I
told her I didn't know.
When we were in the fort, they asked us to "take down
our pants" so they could see what we looked like and
they in turn would do the same. She and I didn't go
for the idea but after lots of friendly persuasion we
agreed to do it on the condition that everyone was
sworn to secrecy. We all really gawked after the
pants were down and I remember being rather embarrassed
but also fascinated at looking at the different
penises. This was not my first time seeing a
penis because I had watched my dad get dressed... I
recall that some of the boys would sometimes have
erections and one boy told another that he really had
a "boner," having an erection with the largest penis
of all the boys.