He scolded me and told me not to do that again. Misunderstanding
the chastisement to be not merely for playing
with my genitals, but for washing them too, I
was afraid to wash myself there for a long time.
It is too early to say if the programs of sex education for children
being introduced in the schools today are effective.
Given the
data we have, it is reasonable to conclude regarding the intimate encounters
of children that if parents do not become emotionally upset
there is little evidence that the child's experience (short of forced
rape, of course) does serious damage to his later adjustment. (Kinsey,
1953, p. 115).
Children recall with appreciation instances in which
their parents remain calm and rational in the face of a childhood sexual
encounter. This is quite evident in the three cases that follow. In
the first case a girl and a boy seven or eight years of age were discovered
by the mother of the girl in an act of exposure and genital
stimulation.
We stood rooted to the spot as she took in the
scene, her surprise showing in her red face.
Then she calmly told Johnny to put his pants
back on and for both of us to come down for dessert.
She seemed pleasant enough, but I felt
very guilty and couldn't look at either her or
my cousin the rest of the evening.
Later that
evening, after the guests had left, my mother
came into the room and shut the door.
I was afraid to face her, but she turned out to be
very understanding, telling me that boys and
girls were different, which of course I knew,
and that adults and children alike tend to
explore new things.
Looking back, her approach
to the subject seems especially good, in that
she left me with the feeling that my cousin was
not a naughty boy to be avoided, but simply
someone who was curious about other people,
which is a basic human trait.
She also said that
where we live it isn't proper to run around
"bare naked," but that in... other places, that
was a normal way of life.
In the next two cases, a five year old girl and a six year old girl
have been "rescued" from situations in which they were molested and
propositioned-in the first case by the girl's sixteen year old cousin
and in the second by an adult male who was a stranger to the girl.
On the way home in the car that night, I stood
in the back on the floor and leaned forward
between my parents. I don't remember my exact
words, but I briefly related my adventure well
enough for them both to understand immediately.
Again my father said very little or nothing at
all. It was dark so I couldn't see my mother's
face very clearly.
I missed her initial reaction,
but I do remember she handled the situation
very well. She didn't get upset.
I'm sure that if she had I would have been more afraid of
what had almost happened than I already was. She
simply told me that what my cousin had tried to
do was something that older people enjoyed and
understood.
He had been very wrong to try to do
it to a little girl. She told me that the next
time we went to his house I should stay inside
unless she or father went out with me.
In other words, I was to avoid him, and that
suited me just fine. I remember that I sat down
and felt much better for having "told" on him.
I'd known all along that what he had done was
wrong.
My mother said that older people enjoyed
it, however, and he had said that his girlfriend
did too. I still couldn't believe that.
The thought of it made me sick, and I was relieved
that it hadn't happened to me.
Now, as I look back on that incident, I'm
glad my mother didn't tell me everything right
then.