I think the reason for this (never confiding in his father about sex matters)) is that fact that I know my father would be hurt if he knew something was bothering me. When I (a boy) was in seventh grade, I managed to obtain a deck of playing cards with pictures of nude women on the backs. I smuggled them into our house and into the bathroom. There I was enjoying myself when my father knocked on the door. I slid the cards under the rug and tried to shield my erect penis while opening the door.
My father peered in, excused himself, and backed
out of the room. I thought that my secret was
safe until later that day when he called me in
for a heart to heart talk. He told me what he
had seen and what he suspected, and that he was
very ashamed of me and if I was ever caught
doing anything like that again, held never be
able to trust me. This made a serious impression
on me and I can truthfully say that he
never again caught me. However, my bodily functions
could not be suppressed and the build-up
of semen in my body pressured me into further
masturbation despite the family pressure not to
continue.
The first time I menstruated, I was in seventh
grade.... My mother told me a little-like "when
you don't get it you are pregnant." To top it
all off, my period was very irregular, so every
time it was a little late, I swore I was pregnant-
when I had done no more than kissed.
The information that mothers give, if any is given, is usually re
lated to menstruation and pregnancy. Learning about contraceptives and
coitus is restricted to what is learned from peers. The mother may be
an inadequate source of sexual information, but the father is even
worse. (Gagnon, August 1965).
I asked my parents how it was possible for an
unmarried girl to become pregnant. My father
looked at my mother, then hid behind the sports
page. Mom smiled knowingly and said, "Well, it
can happen, but you're too young to understand
why."
As far back as I can remember my parents have
almost hidden sex from me. They told me that
touching parts of my body was really wrong and
would harm my health. They never discussed masturbation
with me and I can never remember them
using that word. They would use 'playing with
yourself' and make it sound really shameful.
When some of my good friends would meet me, they
would sometimes say, "How are ya, ya old
fucker!" One night when my dad came home from
work, I ran and greeted him by saying, "How are
you, Dad, you old fucker!" This occasion marked
the beginning of my sex education!
When I asked my mother where the kittens came
from in the first place and why they couldn't go
back there again, she scolded me and said that
nice little girls don't ask things like this.
Hearing the older kids use the word 'fuck' in a
dirty story, I asked my mom what the word meant.
I didn't receive an explanation but rather a
warning that the next time that I used the word
I could expect to get my mouth washed out with
soap! My father has never been my confident. I have
never approached him with a problem, unless it
has been some minor disagreement with my mother.
I have never spoken to him about marriage or
dating, probably because sex has never been mentioned
in our house. Not so much as the word
'pregnant' has been mentioned, or any word that
would carry a connotation of sex with it.
It is possible that my mother talked to my sisters
but nobody ever talked to me. It might be
assumed that by having grown up on a farm which
had livestock, part of it breeding stock, that
the facts of life would be very obvious... Even
though I had observed pigs breeding I did not
associate it with any human act.