I was quite upset, and a long sex explanation would have only made me more so.
The fact that I knew older people did do "that" and
"liked it" was all I needed to know right then.
I was never so happy to see my parents.
After we
got to the car I told them what had happened. I
could not understand why they did not say much
about it, nor did it seem to bother them.
I
realize now that I was pretty upset and that if
they had made a big thing about it, it may have
upset me even more.
Patterns of sexual life developed in early childhood are strongly
regulative and difficult to change in later life.
Whatever patterns of
sexual life one later comes to consider desirable or whatever changes
one seeks to make in his socio-sexual attitudes, it is certain that it
will be difficult because of roots of sexual behavior established in
childhood. (Gagnon, 1965).
Broderick sees a positive attitude towards
socio-sexual encounters, including commitment to one's own eventual
marriage, as almost a prerequisite to further heterosexual progress
during the preadolescent and adolescent stages of development. (Broderick,
1966).
Parents who go to great effort to protect their child from the normal
intimate, sexual experiences of childhood may unconsciously do the
very things that are designed to defeat their purposes.
Frustration or
the withholding of positive reinforcement of intimacy needs may result
in an increase rather than a decrease in the motivation to satisfy such
needs. (Bandura and Walters, 1963).
It is a moot question, is it the
repressive rather than the permissive parents who contribute most to
the high level of personal interest in sex and the high sexual-erotic
content of our culture?
Those who support the repressive sexual socialization
of children do so largely out of fear that they will misbehave
sexually if sensory, affectional, and sexual appetites are not repressed
from infancy and on.
It is true that the clinical literature
provides ample evidence of unwise or disturbed parents who willingly or
unwillingly encourage and reinforce deviant and antisocial sexual behavior
in their offspring.
It is true also that because of varying
types of upbringing, individuals differ in the extent to which they are
able through self-restraint to tolerate delay of reward. But there is
also extensive research evidence demonstrating that responsible behavior
can be readily elicited if appropriate models are provided.
(Bandura and Walters, 1963). And if a child is exposed to a variety of
of models, he may select one as a primary source for his behavior patterns,
but he rarely confines his imitation to only one model.
The point is that in the area of sensory, affectional, and sexual behavior
the parents, through secrecy, reticence, and misguided notions as to
what it means to be a proper model for children in these areas, cease
to be a model at all, forcing their offspring to look elsewhere for
their primary model. The child learns whether he is taught or not. If
he is not presented with models, he finds models. Attempts to postpone
his sexual socialization will only be partially successful and the models
he chooses or happens upon will be less than adequate.
Given the nature of human personality, the socialization process continues in
some manner or other from birth to maturity.
One can conclude from Broderick's
research on intimacy patterns of children that intimate associations
and attachments at all ages in infancy and childhood are
necessary to sensory, affectional, and sexual maturity. (Broderick,
1961, 1964, 1966, 1968.)
Children, as well as adults, can learn to discriminate the circumstances
under which various kinds of affectional and sexual behavior
are responsible and appropriate.