It hardly needs saying that many parents in the United States do not agree with Burch (1952) that "every child deserves some interest and pleasure from sex. He also needs some privacy." The next morning I told my mother what had happened (13 year old baby-sitter on 7 year old girl's bed with his penis exposed) in a very calm manner. I couldn't fully understand why she was so upset (negative affect). She questioned many times as to what had happened (ambiguous response). The experience had a lasting affect on the relationship between myself and my parents.
The following case is recalled by the informant as containing what
could be labeled a negative response, negative evaluation of behavior,
unambiguous negative instruction and ambiguous positive information.
When I was about five years old, I distinctly
remember drawing pictures of both boys and girls
with penises in the act of urinating.
I laughed
and thought the pictures were funny. When my
mother saw the pictures she reprimanded me (unambiguous
negative) and told me that what I was
doing was not nice (negative evaluation) and that
I could not draw those "naughty" pictures anymore
(unambiguous negative).
She told me that girls did
not have 'thingies' (ambiguous positive) but she
did not give any further explanation.
It isn't only attention to the genitalia and their functions that
disturb the sexually repressive parents. Such a parent does not approve
of using oranges as simulated breasts either!
Once at about the age six I put oranges in the
front pockets of my shirt, but I was immediately
reprimanded (unambiguous response) and told that
doing such a thing was "not very nice" (negative
injunction) but was not told "why" (ambiguous).
The postponed response ("she said she would explain it sometime")
is a tactic employed by parents. The postponed response is commonly a
response that is never forthcoming-"that sometime never came." In the
following case, the child is also aware of another type of affect-in
this case ambiguous affect-they "chuckled to themselves."
I questioned my mother about those metal boxes in
the ladies' restroom that say Kotex. She and
another woman chuckled to themselves and she said
she would explain it sometime. Well, that sometime
never came until I found out for myself.
Rural children see animals copulating and it has been said that because
of such experiences rural children do not need sex education-they
learn from the animals.
But rural children do not receive sex education
from their parents in connection with such events, and transference
from seeing animals copulate to an understanding of human sex and
love is not likely.
Even in regard to animal sex the parents may de
cide that the child is "not old enough to know about such things yet"
(postponed response). Even in regard to animal sexual behavior "that
day never did come."
When I helped my father in the barn, I often saw
the afterbirth from the cows in the gutter when
we were cleaning the barn.
I quite naturally was
curious as to what the afterbirth was and asked
dad what it was.
He told me that I was not old
enough to know about such things yet, but that
he would tell me when I was older. However, that
day never did come.
Not one parent in the Sears (Sears, et al, 1957) study was found to
be completely free and open in the discussion of sex with young children.
One reason why parents are not open in sex discussion is the fear
that any attention called to the subject may awaken the child to erotic
activity-"he's one of those guys who would go out and try it." (Sears,
Maccoby, and Levin, 1957, p. 192).