My liberal upbringing was eventually interrupted
by the church. For a four or five year period,
beginning when I was ten years old, I became
extremely aware of sex taboos via the church.
There were marriage and family classes that
taught me not to "turn boys on" and that
physical contact was a sin that marriage
rectified.
I started being very observant of my
mother's activities (she was a widow). When she
went out with men, I constantly wondered whether
she was having intercourse with them or not.
I would lay awake at night and cry thinking surely
she would go to hell because that was what was
said in the Bible and in church.
I'd hear
stories about God's love and all the rest;
including God's loving decree that anyone who
had and enjoyed sex was a sinner... including my
mother!
Then, for some reason, after I was
confirmed, we stopped going to church. The
discussion with sex was still in my mind, though
it lessened very slightly with time.
My first instructor was my pastor when I was
around twelve and ready for catechism. He took
our co-ed class into a small room to explain
conception.
His generalizations left me with the
impression that only during one's menses would
one become pregnant.
I still didn't know how
intercourse took place and the thought of having
a bloody intercourse repulsed me.
Each member of my confirmation class had to have a
private meeting with the minister. He had not told
us at all what it was for, but gave us a book to
read about teenagers and growing-up problems.
My
minister was about 32 years old and had a very
nice wife and four children. The private session,
I (a girl, age twelve) thought, would be a preexamination
of my faith and what I had learned
through confirmation instructions.
Well, it turned out to be nothing of the sort. He began questioning
me about how much I knew about sex and dating,
showed me diagrams of the female organs, and
proceeded to explain the facts of life to me.
It
was a terrifying experience for me because I had
never heard a male talking about this subject
before.
He continued to pry into my personal life
and embarrass me. At this age I just wasn't ready
to discuss sex with an older man. I lost all
respect for him as a minister and as a person.
To me, it seemed that it was unnecessary for him to
call me in for a private conference on sex. If he
would have lectured to the whole class, I would
not have been so ashamed, especially since I was
quiet and shy at this age. His most shocking comment
was something like if I ever needed a sex
outlet, I should come to him. This really scared
me and I would pray to God many times after that
asking Him why he did this to me.
His approach to sex education was very poor in taste, and it took
me a long time to feel that sex was good and that
I would ever engage in a relationship with a male.
How a man in his position could talk to me as he
did was beyond my comprehension.
Some preadolescents have favorable attitudes toward sex education
received through the church and are grateful for it.