This is not always true. In the following case the child shows real
appreciation of the father's show of affection for the mother.
My father tries to do whatever he can to make it
easier and better for all of us.
He shows many
outward signs of love and affection toward my
mother in the presence of us children.
This is
especially detectable by the way my father
kisses my mother and the little things he says
to her, which have no great meaning to us, but
do to mother.
But on balance, from survey data and from case histories we must
conclude that whenever a young child in the United States engages verbally
or physically in a sexual encounter with a parent the situation
is usually one of conflict rather than accommodation, cooperation, and
affection.
I suspect, however, that the case history sample based on
recall is somewhat biased in that sexual encounters involving conflict
provide more trauma and are indelibly etched on the memory when compared
to sexual encounters that do not involve conflict, trauma or
guilt.
Most sexual encounters of children with their parents involve the
parent not as a participant in the encounter but as an observer of a
sexual encounter between the child and a peer. The parent often makes
his appearance unexpectedly and puts a stop to the activity. (Litin, et
al, 1956).
The child also learns what the prevailing adult attitudes are toward
sex even without parental interference in direct encounters. The
tone of voice in which gossip is relayed warns him to avoid becoming a
subject for similar gossip.
The care and circumlocution with which certain
matters of sex are avoided in books, in the press, and in other
public communications subtly reminds the child of the state of public
opinion on these matters.
Discussions of such things as divorce, marital
discord, the sexual scandals of the community and the gossip about
public figures probably have more influence in controlling the child's
behavior than any specific action that society may take or any legal
penalties that are attached to those things. (Kinsey, 1948, p. 446).
Children notice at an early age that certain topics may not be mentioned.
They experience and become sensitized to the embarrassed and
critical attitudes displayed by adults whenever anything pertaining to
sex comes up for discussion.
They are frequently instructed not to repeat
to outsiders any information given them about genital differences
or child birth. (Conn, 1940).
My problem was the modesty of my parents, especially
my father, regarding sexuality and the
existence of male and female bodies and their
functions.
If there were any possible chance
that I might be in the area when my father was
dressing, he made sure that the door was shut
tightly.
It seemed to me that there was something
to be ashamed of in nudity of the human
male body. This was the only subject about which
my parents were unwilling to talk.
We planned and did everything together as a family. Their
hesitancy on this subject was very plain, however.
Given a framework of repression and avoidance by parents and other
adults and by adult-sponsored agencies, the child gets the bulk of his
sexual information, though not his attitudes, through peer relationships.
The parents do not provide cognitive information about sexuality
for the child, but they create attitudes and orientations through
which information from other children is filtered. (Gagnon, August
1965, p. 223).