Though children in the United States have little opportunity to learn of the intimate sexual aspects of sensory-affectional relations from watching their parents, they do pattern their sexual behavior after their parents based on general observation of parental behavior and their own experience of affection or the lack of it in interaction with their parents. Bandura and Walters (1963) report that sexually anxious parents have sons who are both guilty about sex and exhibit anxieties about relating dependently to people.
Parents of inhibited boys showed
a constellation of general emotional inhibition, sex anxiety, and relatively
infrequent dependency responses directed toward other adults.
The children learn to model their behavior after their inhibited par
ents.
Bandura and Walters conclude that social training of sex is accomplished
mainly through the transmission to children of parental
anxiety reactions to the exploratory, manipulative, and curiosity behavior
that inevitably occurs during childhood.
Because of prolonged
negative conditioning at home, many young people respond to their initial
sexual experiences with anxiety and guilt and especially fear that
their parents might learn of their activities. This is likely as their
parents would have it.
Some change is taking place, however, and one must not overlook the
cases in which extreme reserve and an anxiety does not prevail, though
these cases are in the minority.
Some parents in the United States do
not attempt to completely mask their own sexual activity and a few even
engage in sexual encounters with their own children.
In the following
case, a kindergarten child describes the bathing experience in her family.
It was in sixth grade when I really started to
think and wonder about sex.
My girlfriend and I
walked to school everyday with a little girl in
kindergarten, making sure she got across the
busy streets, etc.
Out of the clear blue sky one
day she started to tell us how her mommie and
daddie and she always took baths together and
how they played with each other.
In terms of
what I know now, it was mutual masturbation
among the three of them, and when one was missing,
it occurred between the other two.
However,
the thing that struck me the most at the
time was the nonchalant way she talked about
what they were doing.
Also, some of the new life styles do not take advantage of the privacy
that opague walls and locked doors can give, as in the next three
cases. It is too early to know the effects of such sexual upbringings
on children in contemporary society since we have no longitudinal research
data.
Tina was about three. One morning she came in on
her parents having intercourse. This was her
first exposure to intercourse and her parents
could see she was confused and disturbed. As
they described their handling of the situation,
they sent out "good vibrations" making their
enjoyment obvious.
They included her in the
lovemaking by holding her and talking with her.
Tina responded positively and showed no further
negative reactions then or later to her parents'
lovemaking. (Constantine).
Alice was disturbed by her mother's agitation
and breathing during intercourse. She otherwise
seemed happy with being with her parents as they
made love.
Her mother explained the whole thing
very carefully one day. Her daughter then said,
"I want to make love with you, Mommy."