Throughout junior high and senior high school my self stimulation continued and my sexual fantasy developed. At first this involved images of life with the man I would some day meet or dreams of being held captive by a gang of boys, having to perform rituals including intercourse with them all, and showing my body to the group. Always the imaginary lead man was handsome and domineering. Upon dating, my fantasy included the boy I was seeing at the time or images of marriage.
Why do preadolescents fell guilty about masturbating? Is it because
of parental attitudes transmitted in infancy and childhood? Is it
parental admonition? Is it from reading some of the "scare" literature
about the effects of masturbating? Many preadolescents are not
consciously aware of any such reasons as to why they feel guilty. They
appear to intuit guilt. If they remember the kind of sexual
socialization they received in infancy and childhood they would likely
know why they feel guilty when masturbating. In the following case, the
boy's puzzlement over the reasons for his guilt feelings is
illustrative.
It has always puzzled me as to exactly where I
got the feelings of guilt. As far as I can
remember, my parents never said much of anything
about sex.
Certainly nothing that would lead me
to believe sex was wrong or bad. Possibly it was
because they said nothing that I felt there was
something secret about sex.
Likewise, I can't
remember picking up much in church that would
have led me to believe that I should not
masturbate.
Maybe I merely picked up the guilt
feelings about sex from off-hand comments I
might have heard. At any rate, regardless of
where I acquired my feelings. I definitely felt
it was wrong to masturbate and had deep guilt
feelings about the activity.
Masturbation is much more common in preadolescent boys than is heterosexual
experience. Even for those who are willing, partners are not
easy to come by and masturbating requires no partner. First experiments
with copulation are not unusual between the ages of ten and fourteen,
however. By twelve years of age, approximately one boy in every
four or five has tried at least to copulate with a female and more than
ten percent of preadolescent boys experience their first ejaculation in
connection with heterosexual intercourse, according to Kinsey.
Ramsey reported that about one-third of his sample of middle-class boys had
attempted sexual intercourse. The incidence of heterosexual behavior
varies with socio-educational level, being least frequent with preadolescents
who eventually go to college and nearly universal among preadolescents
who receive no more than a high school education. (Kinsey,
1948, p. 312).
In the female sexual development comes on more gradually than in
the male, is generally continued over a longer period of time, and does
not reach a peak until after the boy is sexually mature. As far as
physical development per se is concerned, however, the girl begins to
mature at an earlier age, and reaches complete maturity before the boy.
(Kinsey, 1953, p. 122). The age of first menstruation ranged from 9 to
25 years of age in the Kinsey sample.
There was a lapse of 8.4 months
between the appearance of pubic hair and breast development, which came
first, and first menstruation which came later. (Kinsey, 1953, p. 123124).
One morning in the fifth grade I noticed humps
appearing on my chest. I was amazed, scared, and
pleased all at the same time. To show how
pleased I was, I called all of my girl friends'
attention to this phenomenon and let them 'feel'
my breasts.