When I moved to another town at the age of six, our parting was quite traumatic. He
continued to visit me there, with his grandparents,
and when I was seven or eight he asked me to
marry him. I was overjoyed and really believed
that we would marry when we "grew up."
Sometimes the focus of a childhood romance is on parental as well
as lover roles as imitatively acted out by the children.
At this age it was common for the boys to try to
kiss the girls. It was nice and fun to be kissed by
boys because it was what grown-ups did and because
it felt good. By this age the difference in the
sexes was firmly established in my mind as well as
the fact that there was something exciting about
sex, i.e., the difference between boys and girls.
Thoughts of playing the role of a wife were
ingrained in my mind and boys were beginning to be
regarded as prospective husbands or "daddys."
Fantasy of a romantic nature can have erotic-albeit unconscious-overtones
as early as in childhood, as reported in the following case.
I do remember having erections when I was seven
or eight years old.
All I really noticed about
them was that they occurred when I thought about
a young girl I felt romantically inclined
toward.
Also, they made it very difficult to
roll over in bed. I never knew the purpose of
the arousal, but I was aroused.
Children learn early the need for privacy and secrecy in their sexual
encounters. The scepter of the appearance of mother (or some other
representative of the generalized other) already implanted in the
child's consciousness can alter the patterns of behavior.
The two cases
that follow show the early regard for adult standards.
I (a girl) was playing with a boy cousin who was
the same age as I was, about five years old.
We had been told that boys go to the bathroom alone
and girls go to the bathroom alone, but you know
how sometimes an emergency arises and you both
have to go.
They had an old fashioned two-holer
outdoor toilet, so we made a pact not to look at
each other if we went together.
Some girls, one other boy, and myself (a boy)
were playing in our grass huts. We were playing
house and since I was the oldest, I was elected
to fulfill the role of "father," thereby receiving
the privilege of occupying a single hut with
the girl elected to take the role of my "wife."
After my wife and I had fondled each other's
genitalia for awhile, I decided that I should
have a private consultation with each of the
"children."
Consequently, by the end of the day,
I had exchanged caresses with one boy and four
girls.
The fifth girl was very frightened by
such intimate contact. She said that her parents
would definitely not like it, and that she
was afraid of their judgement.
Her response
frightened me as I suddenly realized that my
parents would not appreciate my behavior either.