Charles face again felt the wetness of pain.
"What did you do after hearing that?" Allen asked.
"Shit, I flipped the fuck out! What was I supposed to do kiss her on
her fucking forehead and tell her how happy I was about it?"
"Yo man, I didn't cause your pain, I'm trying to help take it away, give
me a break."
"I know man. But I'm in so much pain Jones. Unbelievable pain.
How can anyone take the life of a child? Especially when the two are in
love. I could understand it a little better if she were pregnant by force or
incest of some deranged act like that, but we loved one another."
"Are you sure? Are you sure you weren't caught up in the thought of
loving someone?"
"I know what I felt Jones and it was love," Charles said defensively.
"Alright man," Allen backed off.
"Jones, my bad man. I'm just trying to deal with this shit."
"So what happened after she told you and you flipped out?"
Charles sat back on the sofa and relaxed his mind as he continued
the story.
"I yelled at her a few times and then grabbed my clothes and headed
out the door. She followed me and got in the car. We drove for a while
and before I knew I was driving seventy mph on PCH yelling at her.
Letting her know how it feels for someone else to have your life in their
hands. Then it dawned on me that no matter how much I hurt her, it
would never change what happened. After realizing that, I pulled over
and made her get out of the car. I understood that there was nothing
that I could do to her to help her see my pain. There is never anything
you can do to help someone feel your pain. If you do what they have
done to you, they won't feel your pain because they know that you did it
to get revenge even if their action wasn't intentional."
"What happened when you told her to get out in the middle of no
where?" Allen asked as he nibbled on the last strudel.
"She hesitated first. Then I started yelling at her and she got out. I
sat there for a minute and that song by the Commodores came on. That
song Easy. It was like the song started talking to me dog. Like it was
telling me about all the things that I had done in my life. All the good
things. It was like it was saying I was free or I could be free.
Like I could fly if I just went fast enough. I mean the song is so beautiful, but It
almost helped me do something so ugly. Jones, I had so much anger
and pain inside of me last night that I could have ended it all. I didn't
know how to think. I didn't know how to do anything except cause pain
to myself.
Ain't that a trip? I am hurting because someone else cause
me to hurt, but I was willing to cause more pain to myself because of the
pain someone else caused to me. Is this what love does to you when you
let it in?"
"No," Allen began. "I can't say that at all. What I can say is that love
didn't do this to you, Michelle did. Michelle took advantage of love and
she caused this pain within you. Love did nothing to you."