For the first time, all weekend long, Jes felt complete. She hummed while she refreshed her image. She reached into her overnight bag for lotion to moisturize her skin and toothpaste to brush her teeth. She drew on confidence with eyeliner and lipstick. Then added security with foundation and esteem with curls. Jes returned to the bedroom to see the turmoil that she inflicted to the room. She stood and looked over the room with grief and regret in her expression.
Jes picked up one of
the chairs that her anger had over turned so that she could sit at the
table that managed to stay unambiguous of her wrath. Jes held her
head in her hands as the feeling of depression was more overwhelming
than before. Though Jes had refreshed her appearance, the condition of
the room brought the cause of the disaster closer to her. Jes reached for
the complimentary pad of paper in the center of the table and the pen
that accompanied it and began to write. Once she had finished, she
stood and looked at her broken image through the mirror that she had
punched.
"That's just how I feel," she said dropping her head away from the
image, "broken."
Jes turned and began to clean the room. Making it as clean as she
could, excluding the damage that she had caused. Once the bed was
made, she placed the box that she brought with her on top of it. She
slowly removed the top and sat next to the box. Jes removed a small
brown paper bag, a bouquet of flowers; a pair of white satin high heal
shoes, a white wedding gown, vial, and tiara. She dressed herself in the
outfit and checked her makeup one more time.
"I would have made a beautiful wife," Jes said as she smiled at herself
in the mirror that held the beauty she saw in herself.
Jes marched back to the bedroom as though she was a bride walking
down the aisle.
"Dun dun dun dun," she hummed as she marched.
She stopped at the nightstand, which supported the brown bag she
removed from the box. She reached in and removed a small bottle of
water, a glass and a small non-labeled bottle from the bag. Jes removed
the cap from the bottle of water and poured half of it into the glass. She
then removed the cap off of the non-labeled bottle and emptied the
contents into her hand. Jes paused momentarily and said a prayer.
"Dear Lord, I know that I have not lived my life according to your
word and Commandments. And I know that my actions don't fit into
your plan for my life, but I ask that you look upon my action as self-
relief. Take care of Gwen she will need you more than ever now. Give to
her, what I couldn't secure for myself. Love. Thank you Father."
Jes opened her hand and looked at the pills before putting them in
her mouth and swallowing them. Jes lay back on the bed and folded her
arms with the bouquet of flowers atop her chest and closed her eyes.
She smiled a smile of relief as tears streamed from her eyes.