She read: Jes, I know that I am the last person that you would want to be hearing from. I also know that there is no excusing or replacing the pain that I caused you. I am writing this letter to you to let you know that I am terribly sorry for what I have done to you and possibly created within you. Jes I'm sure that you have wondered why I did what I did to you? You do have a right to know. If you want to know read on. If you don't, you should stop reading this letter now.
Jes thought for a moment and wondered if she really wanted to know
the reason that Marvin raped her. She continued.
Jes, about five years ago, I was put on a case in San Francisco. I was
there to defend a father charged with raping his son by the boy's mother.
The case made my stomach turn, but I was there to work. That's what I
thought. The case went on, and we won. To celebrate, my client took me to
dinner. As the night went on, I found the real reason the child's mother
filed charges on my client was because he was gay.
She threatened him continuously about having her son around his environment. Then one day
he received a warrant for his arrest. Later that evening, I expressed to my
client that I was Bi-sexual and had come out of the closet with it three years
ago. We had more small talk, then we went back to my hotel room for a
nightcap. When we entered the suite, he expressed a longing to make love
to me, but he didn't want to mix business with his pleasure. Anyway, we
got caught up in the moment. With no protection we began, and that was
the way it stayed until the end. The relationship carried on for close to six
months until he told me that he had been infected with HIV. First I freaked,
I panicked and I cried all at the same time.
Then I calmed down and thought to get myself checked out. I did and I found that there was nothing
wrong with me. Then I was told that even though there were no symptoms
emerging at the time, it could take anywhere from six months to three years
before any traces of it showed. Again I panicked. When I talked to my
client about what happened, and who infected him, he said that he didn't
know. He explained that with all that was going on with his son, he had
been with several men to drown his pain. At that point, waiting for the next
three months, along with praying that nothing ever showed up was all I
could do.
I began to hate anything that I felt was associated with my client.
I began to hate anyone who couldn't love one person at a time. I began to
hate all those who took the purity of lovemaking and the institution of love
for granted. I know that you're saying, how can this twisted motherfucker
talk about the purity of love making when he is Bi-sexual and a rapist? If
that is your question, please understand that I wasn't that way before hate
consumed me.
When I arrived at Maguire and Associates, I was arrogant, evil and
infected. So I went for the kill, and I guess that it became literal when I
heard about you. OK I thought, you want to take advantage of love and the
institution of love through your promiscuousness? When all along, I was
masking the hurt I had been given by someone who had contaminated all of
the things I believed about love. I felt betrayed and the only satisfaction
was to betray someone else. That is where you came in.
I heard through talk from some of the guys that you were an easy catch. They said to just
flatter you, say sweet nothings, but more importantly, flash cash in your
face. So I made going out with you my purpose and when we finally went
out, you were nothing like the guys said. I made moves on you and you
resisted. I felt like I wasn't going to get my reward. I felt like I was being cheated.