"So just tell them no matter how bad it will hurt them?"
"Yes. It will always hurt more if they find out some other way. That
way, in some strange sort of way you still hold on to your trust. Don't
ask me how, you just do. Anyway, why all the questions?"
Michelle looked at Tanya and smiled. She lowered her head and
fiddled with her thumbs for a moment before speaking.
"I need to find a way to tell Charles that we are not having a baby."
Michelle said sorrowfully.
"What do you mean you're not having a baby?" Tanya asked with
confusion. "Do you mean you are not ready to have a baby or you're
afraid to have a baby? Or do you mean you're not pregnant and you
never were pregnant? What is it that you are trying to say?"
"What I'm saying is," Michelle hesitated, "what I'm saying is, yeah, I'm
afraid. I'm afraid to have a baby."
"No girl. That is not what you are saying." Tanya corrected.
"What
you said is that you need to find a way to tell Charles that you are not
having a baby. That means that you are no longer pregnant. What is
going on?"
Michelle tried to find the nerve to tell Tanya another lie, but it evaded
her. Tanya waited patiently for Michelle to deliver the next word while
Michelle paced the kitchen looking for an introduction for the truth. She
paused for a moment before beginning.
"Tanya you know that I love Charles very much and I would never
want to hurt him in anyway. I say that because I hope what I am about
to say to you stays between us until I can discuss this with him."
"I won't say anything."
"Not even to Cupid."
"I won't say anything to him either."
"Tanya," Michelle began, "you know that I love children more than
anything. They are my world and because of that love, I knew that I
would make a good mother. I just didn't know when I would be ready to
be a mother. When I met Charles, everything I had been missing in my
personal life seemed to have been found. He helped me to laugh again.
He revealed to me a side that I had lost, that had been abused in passed
relationships. Charles showed me that love was not just a word that
people use to get close to someone."
Michelle began to get a little emotional as she thought of the goodness
of Charles and the pain that she would cause him with her news.
"When I found out that I was pregnant, initially I was excited, but I
was also afraid. I questioned myself, my motherhood, my decision
making. I doubted myself in everyway. I came to the conclusion that
this was not the best thing for me at this time. I made a decision based
on what I felt and not what we felt. At this point, I should be three and a
half months pregnant, but I'm not."