"When you stare at something long enough, it shows different pictures."
Pflugisms
Orville Pfl ugradt, nicknamed Flu, because it sounded
like part of his name, and Wolf, due to his facial hair and
hair style, is my favorite inmate. There it is, I said it. Why
would I make a big deal out of an inmate being my favorite?
The staff is defi nitely not supposed to show any favoritism
in any way. I have no intention of doing anything special for
him. I would not hang out with him on the free-side, if he
ever gets there. Wolf is simply the most entertaining human
being it has ever been my pleasure to encounter.
I am not sure the name, Wolf, would have been my
choice for his moniker. The slicked back appearance and
length of his hair makes him look more like a character from
The Planet of the Apes. Orville is 37 years old, and has about
40 more years to serve for the murder of an extended family
member. He is not a lifer, but his parole offi cer probably
has not even been conceived yet. Then why would he be
my favorite? The reason he is my favorite is simple. Flu
provides the most material. When I am on the outside, I talk
about the inside. Nine times out of 10 Flu has provided my
story. Flu makes me laugh. He creates vocabulary without
knowing he is. He makes me wet myself with laughter.
Flu grew up with a troubled childhood. He was raised
in a dog cage with his brother. His brother was severely
retarded to the point that he actually began barking, believing
that he was a dog. Flu would joke a bit about it in the future,
claiming, "I didn't realize I could bite people above the knee
until I was 12-years old." He attended Atkison-West Holt
High School for most of his freshman year before calling it
quits. Flu is not book smart, and his IQ would not convince
you that he knew much of anything. Having spent the last
15 years in prison, Flu has learned one of the more important
things in life.how to survive.
Flu has worn out most of the staff with his constant rants
about other people and his paranoia. He spends a great deal
of time around the offi ces because he is the lead painter
for the housing unit. Flu is allowed to come and go pretty
much as he pleases in order to pick up painting supplies,
and he is allowed to work on any gallery in the unit. He
always wants somebody to talk to, but then he chases them
away with his repetitive stories about why he got transferred
from the Lincoln Correctional Center to the Nebraska State
Penitentiary.
Apparently, Flu convinced a couple of female guards
to have sex with him. By looking at him, nobody would
believe it, but the proof is in his fi le. It was not as if the
female guards in question were terribly attractive. In fact,
he was frequently asked, "Why would you fuck those nasty
bitches?"
Flu would reply with, "For the same reason people in
parts of Western Nebraska listen to AM radio. There isn't
anything else available."
I am probably the only person left with the patience
he requires, and my patience is based on my need for his
distracting humor. He was the unit painter, and is also
probably one of the few people in the world who knows the
difference between the colors, Time for Teal and Turquoise
Trick.
"Hey Count. What's the matter? I'm pulling a bad bribe
off you."
"Nothing Flu, I'm just hung-over."
"That's not very a.fessional."
"Well, it's me today, take it or leave it."
"Hey, I can drop this whole conversation, but I'll drop
it towards you."
"That's a veiled threat."
"Huh?"
"Do what you gotta do, Flu."
"Well, have you got time to a.listen to me?"
"Yah, it's Sunday morning, I have time."
"Are you sure? I seen you have a book there. That's a
good book."
"Oh yeah, I haven't read it yet. What's it about?"
"I don't know. I haven't read it yet either, not enough
pictures. I think prison is fuckin' me up. Last night on
second shift, I tried to talk to that other woman caseworker.
I'm interfering to Caseworker Haverkamp. I'm not a stalker,
but her skin was milk as cream. She makes the cream of
my crop go up. I was trying to tell her something from the
mental health a.people, and she kept talking to other apeople.
I was just delaying a message."
"You fuckin' got that right."
".and she didn't want to hear it. I wanted to tell her that
mental health ran me through a whole gamble of tests. She
was making me so angry, and my anger is a whole nuther
force. She made me want to hurt somebody, but I got nothin'
to hurt 'em with."
"You got a can of paint.?"
"I ain't losing my job with a can of paint. I got
sponsibilities. Its okay though. I can rebilitate myself. I'm
fi sticated. My concern is.it will never be azolved."
"What won't be resolved?"
"My a.problems with her. It won't go away until we
have a grationable conversation."
"Flu, you need to respect her feelings toward you, even
if you don't like them."
"I don't think anybody likes me; in fact, I think you all a.hate me." "Flu, I don't hate you." "Pinion Berries." "Nobody hates you." "I'll just take 'em in stripes. You people underestimate me. You forget, I am the master nipulater. Hey, a.Batiste, I got another problem." "What's that?" "Do I have affl uence on people?" "Why do you ask?" "This a.guy on my a.gallery, he's been fuckin' with me."
"Who?"
"Uh, that's not important. I just want you to know, if it
comes to an arms race, I'm gonna blast him. I'm so angry
my insides are shaking. I want to tear his heart out of his
lungs! I want to choke the daylight-dogshit out of him! I'm
not likeable to react though."
"What did he do?"
"He was making fun of me. He didn't think I heard him,
but I did. I have really good hearing, like a dog, it's 20/20.
He's lucky I'm a nice guy.I think I'm a pretty nice guy."
"I believe that you think that."
"Well, I'm gonna get back to my painting.uh, after
doors. There is not much you can get started and fi nish in
a day."