After a year of unconsummated marriage, Janet and her husband, Larry, consulted a sex therapist, who instructed Larry to gradually insert one lubricated finger and eventually two. Bit by bit, Janet became accustomed to this strange sensation. As she relaxed, she felt pleasure for the first time. Janet was desensitized with difficulty at age twenty-five, a process that would have been simpler at age fifteen.
Parents of teenagers are in a quandary. Nothing they do
seems to turn out right anyway. Many become stricter
because there's so much more to restrict. One parent comments,
"To hell with sex education-I just hope I can get
through without strangling her!" Somehow it's worse for girls
to be sexually active than for boys. Parents caution, "Watch
out for those smooth-talking jocks," "Boys are just out for
you-know-what," "Guys have to learn to respect girls," and
"Boys are more interested in sex than girls are." As parents
become more upset, the comments get stronger. "Girls who
play around get venereal disease," "Boys don't respect girls
who give in," and "You don't want to do something that leaves
you feeling dirty, do you?" are not uncommon.
Further efforts
range from a heart-to-heart talk to virtual imprisonment in
the house. The battlefield is now well marked. Parents are
less concerned about the boys. A few wild oats are expected.
However, parents may worry that the youth will forget his
studies once he finds out about sex or that some loose woman
will trick him into a hasty marriage via pregnancy. Sex is
viewed as many things other than normal and healthy.
As the child becomes an unmistakably sexual being, the
parents' own problems are brought into focus. Many a cold
war becomes hot, and many an aging mentor acts like an
idiot.
For instance, the mother gives Virginia permission to
date at age fourteen; the father accuses the mother of turning
Virginia into a whore. As Sam and his father watch a passing
Lolita, the father gives pointers on how to score and vividly
describes the girl undressed. Melissa's exploits intrigue her
mother, who insists on all the details. She emphatically states
that Melissa wouldn't really do anything like that. Melissa's
father listens in stony silence. Bernie's father risks a coronary
in a frenzied effort to beat his son at tennis. Bernie's girlfriend
is watching. Amy's mother is upset to learn that fifteen-yearold
Amy is pregnant. Shortly thereafter, her mother also conceives
and delivers within a week of Amy.
Tanya's mother
waits up anxiously each night for Tanya to return home. Her
sleeping pattern is altered, so that she no longer has sex with
Tanya's father. These problem parents bias the youth's eroticism
through their own quirks and quandaries. To benefit
the adolescent, they must first help themselves.
Sexual development in adolescence is divided into three
stages. Early adolescence is the most turbulent. It starts
with a growth spurt and the first signs of puberty. Girls begin
as soon as ten, and boys two or three years later. Middle adolescence
commences at about age fourteen in girls and a year
or so later with boys. Late adolescence occurs at about seventeen
and extends for an indefinite period.
Throughout the three stages, there are predictable
changes in the kind and quality of relationships and the
degree of responsibility and intimacy achieved. The initial
turbulence decreases and social competencies increase. The
sexual response progresses and matures through the three
stages in concert with other changes. This is certainly true of
the erotic child. However, the maturation of the erotic
response depends upon the degree of shame, parental attitudes,
and the absence of major conflicts.