ANN

Ann was the only girl among three children born to a minister and his wife. Both parents were content in their life's work and in their relationship to one another. Ann's mother gave her children more than adequate nurturance in spite of church-related duties and the fact that all three children were born in the space of only four years.

As an adult, Ann recalled her parents' emphasis on the daintiness of little girls. "Sugar and spice, and everything nice..." She was expected to smell sweeter and remain cleaner than boys, and never to fight back. Boys could show off and do "dirty things" that were taboo for girls. At home, sex was alluded to but never discussed.
As a little girl, Ann received more attention than the boys, which was most irritating to her older brother, Richard. He took delight in surreptitiously punching her and then denying it. At other times he would push her in the water or kick her for no apparent reason. Never did he cause her any injury severe enough to leave a mark. At first Ann ran in tears to her mother. Richard absolutely denied any misdeed, stating firmly, "She only wants attention." The mother, busy and frustrated, would tell both to be good and play nicely together.

One day, Richard really was kind to Ann. With two friends he inveigled her into an excavation in a nearby wooded lot. They had "something really good" to show her. Once in the pit they proposed a contest to see how far each person could project a stream of urine. The winner would receive a candy bar. Softened by her brother's solicitude, Ann agreed to compete even though she realized that her equipment was not the best.
The boys clapped, laughed, and peered closely as Ann made an unparalleled attempt. Ann recalled the experience as a pleasurable one, more for her brother's acceptance than for the erotic sensation. Afterward she felt increasingly guilty and inadequate. Her brother had lost interest in the game and in fact had found a new pastime. He required acts of servitude from Ann such as scratching his back for hours or bringing him food in the middle of the night. She had long since ceased complaining to her parents.

Compliant and well-mannered, Ann was never identified as a problem in childhood. She remained a virgin until the age of twenty, when she married a conventional young man who taught school. This union produced three children in five years. At age twenty-six Ann entered therapy. She could not identify a specific problem except that she was making her tolerant husband miserable. During the day she followed a rigid, joyless schedule which allowed her no time for herself.

At night sexual expression was precluded by twenty rules. Her husband could not expect sex when the children were awake, in the week prior to or during her menstruation, after a heavy meal, while she was pregnant, in the early morning, or in the evening after ten o'clock. Her husband avoided placing any more demands on his already overworked wife.

Tractable, clean, and inhibited, Ann was shaped by her parents' teachings. As she had not been taught that sexual pleasures were nice, she assumed they were part of the aggressive, dirty delights reserved for boys. Too frightened to express her resentment of males directly, she barricaded herself and denied her husband sexual pleasure.