Helen and the children went to live with Helen's parents. Shortly thereafter Helen was hospitalized for depression. Carrie began cruising her grandmother's house in the middle of the night. She wet the bed, picked at her food, and complained that no one liked her. Finally the grandmother sent both children to live with an aunt. The grandmother described Carrie as "a handful" but said that Hank always minded. The only time she had spoken sharply to Hank was once when she found him playing with himself.
By the time Carrie was seven, the mother had recovered
from her depression, completed business college, and was
employed as a secretary. She and the children were living in
a comfortable bungalow near an excellent elementary school.
However, Carrie disliked the school, had few friends, and
refused to walk there alone. Hank skipped all the way to kindergarten,
where he was in charge of feeding the hamsters.
After school he visited a retired cabinetmaker who lived
nearby. "Uncle Ben" repaired his toys and shared his lunch.
Even after the confrontation with his grandmother, Hank
continued to masturbate at night.
Burt visited the children every six months. Carrie vacillated
between excitement and tears. She demanded his
attention and scolded him for being late. Hank looked forward
to his father's visits and placidly accepted his departure.
When Carrie was nine she was treated at a mental health
center for anxiety and school phobia. The therapist discovered
that Carrie had assumed that her father left the family
because she was a bad girl. She tried and tried to be good, but
something always went haywire. She inevitably said the
wrong thing when she was upset.
She had avoided any sex
play because that was part of being bad. She knew that Hank
did things like that, but he was "always good, anyway."
Carrie was a difficult child. Even under the best of circumstances,
she would have presented problems. Her moodiness
and hasty reactions contributed to continual upset. Hank's
early experiences were just as frightening, but he was admirably
equipped to cope with stress.
Difficult children don't always have emotional problems.
The majority grow to be happy, stable individuals who understand
and deal with their own uncertainties. In large part
this is possible because of flexible, reasonable parents who
provide both warmth and guidance to very special children.
MICHELLE
Michelle was the third of five children. Her mother waggishly
described her as a "holy terror" from the time of birth.
At age eighteen months she was impossible. Rambunctious
and obstinate, she was gleeful or grumpy. Reasonable discipline
provoked fits of screaming. Her mother finally controlled
her either by diverting her attention or by holding
Michelle immobile on her lap. Although the mother toilet-
trained the other children at thirteen months she delayed
Michelle's training until age two.
Then Michelle understood
easily but complied only sporadically. At age twenty-six
months Michelle produced a large bowel movement while
sitting on the lap of the vice-president of her father's company.
Although her mother was furious, she merely apologized
and whisked Michelle off to the toilet.
Finally toilet-trained at two and a half, Michelle was
placed with a baby-sitter four days a week while her mother
studied at a nearby university. Mrs. Grey, the sitter, had
been well recommended. Her house was tranquil and neat,
even when she cared for six active preschool youngsters. She
insisted that the children pick up their toys, learn their manners,
and speak quietly without interrupting adults. After
several weeks at Mrs. Grey's, Michelle listened closely to her
mother's instructions also. Yet she seemed sullen and irritable.