Middle adolescence begins as the youth reaches some emotional equilibrium within the family and can focus greater attention outside the home. Sports events, camping trips, and parties enable him to meet the opposite sex and gradually overcome shyness. Friends provide the encouragement and soon liaisons can be made. Formal dates seem uncomfortable while casual encounters are not. The middle adolescent of fourteen to sixteen is in a unique position, admirably suited to erotic growth. Boys can have frequent ejaculations with little respite. Both sexes have boundless energy and multiple opportunities.
Pleasuring can easily be
enriched when the level of shame permits. Tomorrow seems
far away. Concepts such as security and commitment are not
yet relevant. Sex can truly be a gift freely given, with no
strings attached. Although few middle-class adolescents are
comfortable enough to take full advantage, this is the second
golden age of sexual growth. A host of secluded nooks await
an evening's tryst. There's time to concentrate and the ingenuity
to create new combinations of old sensations. Flesh is
warm and soft, and smells as good as mother did. The
delights of infancy can be realized once more through taste,
touch, and smell. Without the yoke of solemn promises and
"forever" expectations, learning proceeds swiftly.
Middle adolescence is the last whistle-stop before issues
such as constancy and commitment appear. Contacts are
indeed more superficial and selfish than in adulthood. They
are not as scary as when there's a real commitment. The boy
or girl doesn't risk as much, is less vulnerable and freer to
experiment. For instance, it's easier to learn how to argue
constructively when the sky isn't about to fall on your head.
Through multiple couplings, the youth appreciates what sort
of partner is comfortable and what kind of relationship fulfilling.
He develops social and erotic competencies as well as
a sense of self. (Bryt, 1976) The adolescent who takes entire
advantage of this period is unlikely ever to need a sex clinic.
The sexually anxious adolescent isn't free to experiment.
A host of contingencies and hazy concerns about reputation
and respect prevent him from forming multiple contacts.
He's restricted to quasi-meaningful relationships that limit
learning. Sixty years ago sex was acceptable only in marriage;
thirty years ago an engagement provided tacit permission.
Now "going steady," a watered-down commitment, is
the standard rationale. Yet, any commitment is an obligation
that blocks the acquisition of knowledge and experience. The
"nice" middle-class adolescent is a good prospect for sex therapy
in the future.
As the mistrust and overreactions of early adolescence
fade, parents may again deal directly but gently with erotic
issues. Although the enthusiastic youth needs no urging, his
timid cousin may benefit from a brief comment: "The time
when you feel comfortable is the time to begin" or "These are
the years to learn all you can, so you know what's right for
you" or "This is the season to explore; you can settle with just
one later." The message is that sex is wholesome and that the
adolescent is capable of making independent decisions. Be
careful not to urge the youth who's far from ready, as this can
only increase his helplessness.
Pragmatic issues must be discussed. Venereal disease and
contraception head the list. Deliver useful information matter-
of-factly. Types of contraception, their efficacy, and where
to find them are important matters. If venereal disease has
been understood as a malady that rots the sex organs, then
correction, reassurance, and information about treatment
are indicated. Sex and Birth Control by Lieberman and Peck
and Youth and Sex: Pleasure and Responsibility by Gordon
Jensen are useful supplements.