Mothers who retreat from the sight of infant genitals
need to pay close attention to the next exercise.
There's time to concentrate at the first feeding.
By now,
the mother is comfortable and ready to assess not only the
baby, but her own reactions.
Unwrap your newborn and
remove the diaper. The umbilical stump may seem bloody or
black, but no matter. Look at the arms, the legs, the belly,
and the genitals.
All deserve careful attention. The clitoris
may be hidden or covered with a mucous jelly. Two fingers
spread the labia to reveal the contours.
The newborn girl is
still affected by your hormones so that the labia are flushed
and the clitoris enlarged and glistening. Can you touch it? Is
it any the less important or more frightening than the rest of
the body?
If your little boy has an erection can you gaze at it
and feel proud? Is this the same pride you feel when he roots
for the nipple, connects, and lustily sucks? Aren't both faculties
valuable? Does his penis match your expectations?
Is it
bigger or smaller than anticipated? If the penis is uncircumcised
slide back the foreskin to reveal the glans. In Mangaia,
the circumcised penis is described as "having no hat." In
effect, when you pull back the foreskin, you remove the hat
to reveal the rosy-tipped, smooth, and shiny glans. Are you
reluctant to touch it? Some mothers are so frightened that
they never retract the foreskin. Eventually it adheres to the
glans and often becomes infected.
Parents who avoid looking at, touching, and approving of
the infant's penis or clitoris are also limited in relishing and
encouraging their mate's sexuality.
It's not only mothers who
are constrained. During the hundreds of births in which I
either officiated or observed, fathers were often present in
the delivery room.
Not once did a father initiate the checking
and claiming process, although many mothers did. Neither
mothers nor fathers closely examined a baby girl's clitoris,
although I suspect some mothers did so later.
More advanced exercises involve your reactions to your
infant's secretions. The first stools are composed of meconium-
gray, green, and greasy like Kipling's Limpopo River.
The majority of mothers gingerly swab it away as an
unpleasant but temporary necessity. Smear it, and you'll find
the consistency of finger paint with a distinctive and not
unpleasant odor.
The breast-fed baby's stool isn't difficult to
enjoy. It has a flowery scent that adds spice to the diaper
change. Body intimacy with your infant is based upon an
unqualified acceptance of, and communication with, all of his
body and its products.
The glistening modicum of saliva or
the dab of mucus which slips from the baby girl's vagina are
bits of a cherished being, until recently a part of you. Full
acceptance of these secretions is the same as the ability to
savor your mate's sexual perspiration, semen, and saliva.
Reluctance or revulsion in either erotic dimension connotes
problems in the other. (Rogawski, 1976) Happily, growth in
one also promotes growth in the other.
Many a mother who
habitually avoids touching her mate's penis is able to relearn
after the birth of a son, thus attaining a deeper level of body
intimacy in bed.
Almost every new mother becomes more
comfortable as the months progress. If you begin by changing
the diaper with operating room precautions, you may end
by unceremoniously scraping the stool from the cloth with
one hand and flipping it in the toilet.