No parent on earth is always sunny and smiling. There'll always be spilt milk, crumpled fenders, and checks that bounce. There's no way to prevent your child from knowing how you feel, either. However, you can protect the child's genitals from bearing the brunt of whatever happens by making them especially good instead of especially bad. A million-dollar smile accompanied by a pat with the powder to an erect penis says that the penis has value.
The next time you're out
of sorts, his genitals won't appear the likely culprit.
Near the end of the first year or early in the second, the
child is taught the name for toes, fingers, eyes, and nose.
The
penis is seldom included in the lesson, and the clitoris never.
Yet all important things have names, don't they?
The youngster
must eventually reconcile the exquisite sensations
which make the genitals significant with the fact that adults
don't seem to think that genitals are important at all. Maybe
they shouldn't feel good. They could be dirty or bad.
A clitoris is called a clitoris-not a vagina, a "bottom" or
"down there." With a bit of insight, parents can usually manage
to name the penis, but fail miserably with the clitoris.
Rationalizations include "It's so small she wouldn't notice it
anyway," "It's too difficult to pronounce," and "Why should
she need to know about that, for heaven's sake?" Clitoris is
difficult for the toddler to pronounce.
It's often contracted to
"clitris" or "clis." Even so, it's far more accurate than "vagina"
or "gina." Introduce the term with a smile and an adjective
such as "nice," "happy," or even "yummy" to convey your
enjoyment. As the clitoris is tiny, the little girl may have a
geographical problem in locating the nubbin in order to
name it. Given a plump tummy, this is indeed a dilemma.
A mirror is helpful, or a finger may be used to identify the clitoris
by touch. Whether you guide the child's finger or use
your own depends upon your internal comfort. If you prefer
to guide the child's finger, by all means employ the same
method to identify other parts of her body, thus avoiding the
message that the clitoris is untouchable or dirty.
Adults with sexual problems are generally uncomfortable
with their bodies. A task assigned by many therapists is for
the client to stand stark naked before a three-way mirror
and her mate. She points to each bodily part and describes
how it seems to her-too fat, too lumpy, so-so, or plain ridiculous.
She's not allowed to skip the clitoris. Her partner completes
the same task. It's rare indeed for either to say
something good about the genitals.
The penis is too small
and the clitoris ugly or smelly. The need for treatment could
have been prevented by a direct, enthusiastic approach to
sex in childhood.
The task which is agonizing for an adult
may be ecstasy for the yearling child who struts, points, and
touches with eager delight. Parents may facilitate the process
with suggestions, encouragement, and obvious
approval. The child's body becomes beautiful, mirrored in his
parents' eyes.
During the first year of life, the erotic child has captured a
profusion of pleasures. He has balanced the earlier emphasis
on passive enjoyment with an active search for uniquely
appropriate sensations. His parents are no longer just providers
of pleasure, but distinct individuals who encourage
his emotional growth.