JACQUELINE won't let Daddy alone; she hugs and kisses him at the slightest provocation. She climbs on his knee and rubs back and forth. Her intent is all too clear. She keeps asking Daddy to take her to the beach or to work. When he gently refuses, she complains that Mommy never lets her do anything. She petulantly declines her favorite delicacy, Mother's chocolate chip cookies. Andrew declares that he will marry Mommy when he grows up. When asked, "What about your daddy?" he seems not to hear. The child, who is now self-possessed, wishes to possess someone else.
What could be more
entrancing than the parent of the opposite sex? If Daddy
tickles and kisses Mommy, why not Andrew? The erotic child
doesn't mince words or pass up options. The statement "I
want to marry Mommy" has an unmistakable genital ring
even when the child has only the foggiest concept of intercourse.
Five-year-old Herman repeatedly asks his mother, "When
is Daddy going to work? Is Daddy going on a trip?" One
evening Herman approaches his mother without pants, but
with a full erection. Unabashed, he requests that she hold
his penis. His mother asks why, and Herman states matterof-
factly that it feels good.
His mother needs perspective,
comfort, and a sense of humor not to blush, stammer, or
reject Herman and his penis. Her response is momentous for
Herman, who will never again be as vulnerable. He stakes
his concept of himself as a sexual being on her reaction. Even
the mild "That's not a nice thing to ask your mother" crushes
Herman. His mother needs to sit, listen to Herman plight his
troth, and thank him for the compliment. If she tells him
that his penis is pleasing while she gently explains that
some things are impossible, Herman can leave rebuffed but
with penis pride intact.
When Herman decides that his mother is an impracticable
choice, he sees his father in a new light. His father is powerful,
and absolutely possesses his mother. Herman desperately
wants to be like his father, and actively models himself
after him. He casts lascivious glances at his reading teacher
and the girl next door. If he can't have Mommy, perhaps...
This is what Freud describes as the favorable resolution of
the oedipal conflict. A little boy decides not to possess his
mother but to become a man like his father. Eventually he'll
find an appropriate woman. This alignment with his father
militates against homosexuality and increases the child's
social awareness. The oedipal period or stage is roughly
between ages four and six.
During the oedipal stage, Herman needs his father more
than ever. Yet he fears that his father will detect his lust for
his mother. Closeness to the mother intensifies both his
desire and his fright. To Herman, his father appears like a
giant with a penis the size of a football. Herman feels woefully
inadequate and may retreat to the garage to massage
an organ which suddenly appears three sizes smaller. What
Herman needs most is an empathic father. If Herman has
just failed miserably in his first seduction, his father can say,
"With such a good penis, the girls will really like you." After
his mother rejects Herman's penis, the father can remark,
"Look how big your penis is! In a few years it will be as big as
mine!" When his father realizes that Herman has entertained
some very nasty thoughts about him, and now is
ashamed, the father comments, "I used to get awfully mad at
my father too, but he understood." When Herman has
learned a special skill, such as riding a bicycle, his father can
endorse his potency with a statement such as, "Look at you
go! A few months back that would have been impossible!" If
they ride together Herman feels proud and almost as potent
as his father.