Shirley was clearly her father's favorite little girl. She had inherited his red hair, good looks, and "feisty" manner. The father preferred her company on walks and in the car. When the family watched television, Shirley's place was on Daddy's lap in the reclining chair. The mother denied any jealousy but gave Shirley less attention than the others because she had so much from the father. Shirley did not remember any early sexual information or experiences although she knew that her brothers also enjoyed touching her. At about age eleven she thought her father had an erection while she snuggled against him. Afterwards he was more restrained and no longer allowed her on his lap. Among classmates Shirley was the most popular girl, known for her cheerfulness and vivacity. During high school she fell in and out of love at least ten times. She wished to become an actress or a stewardess, but her grades were quite mediocre.
Following high school Shirley worked briefly at a soda
fountain while she dreamed of other careers. At the age of
nineteen she met and quickly married an airline pilot and
then moved to rural Arizona. There she felt lonely and developed
splitting headaches. She anticipated Friday nights
when her husband was home and would take her dancing. At
the dance hall she flirted with other men and talked incessantly.
Shirley was furious when one Friday her husband
indicated that he would rather stay quietly at home. She
accused him of being inconsiderate and capped her grievances
by screaming at the top of her lungs that he had given
her no orgasms in the four years they had been married.
This came as a surprise, because she had always faked her
response. Shirley's husband used this inadvertent disclosure
as a wedge to involve her in joint marriage counseling.
Shirley's early life with her indulgent father was like a
giveaway show without any need to earn approval. She
received every gratification without effort. Her sexual
response remained as immature as her character. She married
another "Daddy" and expected him to provide infinite
attention with little responsibility.
JOE
Joe was the younger of two brothers. His mother was a
divorcee who supported the family by working as a supermarket
cashier. Joe never knew his natural father, who had
disappeared shortly after his birth. When Joe was three
years old there was a stepfather in the house for several
months. He drank every evening and was often too sick to
work. Older brother Cliff cared for Joe while Mother worked.
Discipline consisted of a kick or a shove and a threat that
worse might happen if Joe ratted on him. In preschool years
Joe was timid and remained as close as possible to his
mother. When she was gone he played with the little girl next
door in spite of Cliff's taunts. When he was six some older
boys forced him to rub and lick her genitals. Then they
laughed at him and pushed him out of the garage. Terribly
ashamed, he never told his mother. In the second grade he
was bullied, bruised, and heckled as a "baby." Finally, Mother
and Cliff decided that Joe must learn to fight back. His
grandfather bought him boxing gloves and entered him in a
karate school. Joe not only learned to retaliate but developed
a reputation as a small but scrappy kid.
At age twelve Joe was given a dirt bike. With an earsplitting
roar, he soared over ditches and raced with his friends
around the dump. Throughout high school he preferred tinkering
with his motorcycle to studying or going out with girls.
By the time Joe graduated, most of his buddies had sweethearts
who rode behind and watched the races. Gradually
Joe began to like Mary, his best friend's sister. Mary
described Joe as quiet but deep. She liked to talk and felt
that Joe truly understood her. After several months they
were married.
A year after the wedding Joe was employed as a mechanic
and still spent his weekends riding motorcycles in local
races. He didn't drink or gamble, and he brought his paycheck
home regularly. He expected his meals to be ready on
time and the house to be clean. Mary was pregnant with
their first child. She wished she had trained as a practical
nurse before marriage. She described Joe as insensitive and
less interested in her than in motorcycles. Lovemaking was
perfunctory, and Mary was left irritable and restless. One
evening she began to suck on a cough drop at bedtime. Joe's
sketchy foreplay, penetration, and rapid ejaculation happened
so fast that the cough drop was still intact when he finished.
When Mary attempted to discuss this with Joe and a
marriage counselor Joe looked uncomfortable and changed
the subject.
Joe's mother was distinctly disenchanted with men and
sex. Joe sensed this when he was small and had scant opportunity
as he grew to become comfortable with sex or the male
role. His first erotic contact with the little neighbor was an
insult superimposed upon countless humiliations. With time
he salvaged his self-esteem by becoming a daredevil on a
motorcycle. After marriage he remained closer to his cycle
than to his wife. While observing the superficial requirements
of marriage, he avoided any emotional investment. He
derived major gratification astride his leaping, smoking
Yamaha. No one would ever call him a baby again.